


Footsteps

by Morgana_avalon



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:59:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Marcus and Susan switch bodies.





	Footsteps

FOOTSTEPS 1

 

This story takes place after Endgame. Spoilers up to the end of season 4. No stories are meant to infringe upon the copyright held by J. Michael Straczynski, Babylonian Inc. or Time Warner Productions.

 

Prologue

 

Marcus' heart wept tears of crimson blood. The love of his life was on her way back to Babylon 5 to die and the Minbari doctors had told him that she was too far gone to recover from her injuries.

During that last, brutal attack of this dirty war she had been mortally wounded. He had attempted to comfort her, but had been unable to ignore the mark of death on her brow. Too many times during his life people he loved had died. History was about to repeat itself again and he had finally reached his breaking point. He couldn't take one more death, especially not Susan Ivanova. Not the woman he adored. He rather die himself. //I refuse to fail her... not again, never again… //

When he had first come to Babylon 5 to seek help for the rangers, Susan had been interested in his motives for joining their ranks. Hesitantly he had told her the truth, afraid to see loathing coloring her eyes. But there had been only sympathy and kindness in her gaze. He had fallen in love with her that exact moment. Firmly, he had also told her that he always kept his promises... //No more failure.//

Sheridan had sent Susan back to Babylon 5 to die peacefully in Medlab, the damage done to her body being too severe to heal. Now that Stephen wasn’t there, it was left to Lillian Hobbes to decide when to switch off Susan's life support machine.

Too busy tending to the wounded from this last battle, the doctors and nurses failed to notice the dark figure sneaking into Medlab.

Marcus quickly uncovered the alien-healing device. While hacking through Stephen’s computer files he had discovered a lot about the machine and knew how to operate it. Once an effective form of capital punishment, it functioned by taking the life-force from one body and transferring it into another and Marcus was more than willing to sacrifice his life to bring Susan back. Without her only darkness surrounded him. She was his shining, guiding light and without her, he was lost. 

The thought of having to live without her, when he had just started to open his heart to let her in, was unbearable. He couldn't go through the pain of losing yet another person he cared for. //I refuse to fail her... never again... I keep my promises.//

He firmly believed that his arrogance had brought the disaster on Arisia 3. Deep down in his heart he felt solely responsible for their deaths and his need to do penance consumed him. His life-force would now enable someone more worthy to carry on living.

What would death be like? The Minbari teachers had told them their souls would reincarnate in the Universe's continuing quest to understand itself, but that wasn’t something he believed in. He tried to imagine non-existence, nothingness and it made him shudder. No more thoughts, no more body, no more feelings... no more guilt. It frightened him, but at the same time he looked forward to losing these chains of guilt.

Delenn had once told him that he had to forgive himself for being alive, but he couldn’t do that. The guilt had worn him down and he had no more power left to face his past.

So he ran, like he had from Delenn immediately after she had confronted him with his inner darkness. Well, if death was merely non-existence he might be able to welcome the peaceful sleep he had secretly yearned for since Arisia.

Marcus concentrated on the machine again. The settings had to be just right for it to work properly and he adjusted it once more before hooking Susan up to it. He tried to be as gentle as possible, afraid to add to the intense pain she was already in.

Caressing her tiny fingers for one last time he wondered about the softness of her skin and regretted never kissing her. His cowardice had always won in the end. But now he kissed her fingers one by one as the tears rose in his eyes. Determined he wiped them away; he couldn't get sentimental now!

Foolishly, he had passed up his one chance to tell her about his true feelings. He should have told her on the White Star when they had been searching for First Ones. That moment had been so perfect but…

It was time to let go. Delenn was right about that. He had to let go, had to stop clinging to a life of misery. Susan would make much better use of his life-force.

Looking at her fragile body, the headpiece, her beautiful face... a determined thought slipped into his mind. //I refuse to fail her... //

Thoughtfully, and extremely aware of his actions, he switched on the device. A strange, yet calming humming filled the room. Thankfully he didn’t experience any pain. It was more like falling asleep and he tried keeping his eyes open for as long as possible. But his strength was leaving him quickly and in his last conscious moment he spoke the three words he had wanted to say to her in much happier circumstances. With Susan unable to hear them, he felt safe enough to finally say the words aloud. All he managed was a whisper.

" I love you."

She would never know that truth as he would be dead the moment she awoke. His last thought was dedicated to her...//You see… I keep my promises, love.//

 

Footsteps part 2

 

Getting angry and frustrated Stephen listened to another alarm going off in Medlab. Only moments ago he had arrived on the station and immediately realized there were too many victims and not enough doctors to treat their injuries. Rushing over to the computer his annoyance changed to fear as he realized the origin of the alarm, Susan's room.

Quickly, he told Doctor Hobbes to take over with his patient and ran to Susan’s room at the end of the corridor. The alarm might indicate that she’d crashed and had gone into full metabolic shutdown. Her body was dying piece by piece and with all his knowledge, he was powerless to help her.

Stephen froze as he saw what had caused the alarm. Marcus’ head rested on Susan’s chest and the ranger had fallen unconscious. In-between them stood the healing device. Stephen instinctively knew what had happened. “That stupid, annoying, irritating, frustrated... ranger!” he muttered angrily.

Immediately he called a Med-team to the room and unhooked his friend from the machine, hoping the ranger would survive. Ever since Marcus’ first appearance and subsequent disappearance from the exam table he had started to care for this man. Worried, he searched for a pulse. "Still alive... Marcus, why did you do this?"

Mixed emotions were running through him as he studied the unconscious ranger. He was relieved because his friend was still alive but he couldn’t deny the anger raging through his soul. Why did Marcus care so little for his own life?

He gently laid his friend’s crumbled body on the floor and checked Marcus’ breathing. “Shallow but steady,” he established softly. It was obvious he had made it back to the station just in time. A moment later his Med-team reported in and he ordered them to take Marcus to another exam room.

After they’d wheeled Marcus out, he stepped over to Susan to see if her condition had changed at all. Deeply involved in studying the monitors he missed the brief moment in which her eyes opened and closed again.

Shocked he stared at the monitor. Susan’s readings were almost back to normal. Brain activity had been restored and she was breathing on her own again, her fatal spinal injury had miraculously been healed.

But she wasn't out of danger yet. Susan had been through a major trauma and he didn't know to what extent she would recover. "Well, Marcus, your plan succeeded. Now I’ve got to make sure you won’t end up a martyr," he whispered determinedly and called for a nurse to run additional tests on Susan, to get a better insight into her new condition.

She had to be monitored closely during the next couple of days and only if the test results proved positive would he free her of her headpiece. He stroked Susan’s hair once, just to make certain she was still alive after Marcus’ crazy actions. Assured that Susan was soundly asleep and recovering he went to see his other, more annoying patient.

 

Stephen stepped up to Doctor Hobbes who was busy studying Marcus’ readings. She had just completed an examination of the ranger and a smile illuminated her face.

"Marcus won’t be left with any permanent damage due to this stunt. He’s exhausted and weak, but his body still has enough strength to survive the ordeal. How is the Commander?"

"Better, it appears the transfer worked. I still can't believe he actually did it. Marcus stole the damned machine and hooked himself up..." Stephen was relieved beyond measure seeing Marcus' vitals were stable and steady. It appeared he had found Marcus before any life threatening situation had emerged.

Thankfully Marcus was a fast healer and he wouldn't be surprised to learn by tomorrow that the ranger was back in irritation-mode. But this time he wanted payback for being scared to death, he would force Marcus to accept counseling. As far as Stephen was concerned, this had been a suicide attempt on Marcus' part.

"Marcus is waking up," Doctor Hobbes said and left the patient in Stephen’s care. The two men were friends and Marcus needed someone who would support him at this point.

Stephen’s frustration was growing. He wanted to shout at Marcus for being this stupid, but considering the state the ranger was in, that wasn’t an option at the present.

Green eyes opened slowly and a scream left the ranger’s lips. Stephen immediately tried to calm his friend, but the screaming continued. Absolute horror and pain sounded in that voice and made Stephen shiver.

"Everything’s okay, Marcus. Susan is alive. If you don't relax I’ll have to sedate you. Your body is in no condition to..." Stephen never got a chance to finish his sentence as Marcus’ confused eyes focused on him.

"Stephen?"

Now he was really worried. There was something different about that voice but he couldn’t name it. "Yes, Marcus. I’m here. How could you be so stupid to hook yourself up to that machine? You were really intent on dying for her, don't you dare deny it!" Stephen composed himself, realizing Marcus was his patient and he the professional. Marcus needed a friend to pull him through and certainly not a lecture.

Marcus looked down at his body as if to determine who and where he was.

"You’re still alive, Marcus and so is Susan," Stephen repeated. Terror remained in Marcus' eyes and Stephen wondered if his friend had heard him.

"Stephen, why are you calling me Marcus? I’m Susan."

Stephen grabbed the side of the bed. For the first time in his life he felt like he was going to faint. The voice was Marcus' but the words... there was no irritating accent... "Marcus, please tell me this is just one of your practical jokes, right?" Had he lost his sanity at last?

Marcus’ expression revealed only confusion. Well, it could be true, Stephen realized, he didn't know that much about the alien-healing device. Perhaps he could ask a question, so personal to Susan Ivanova that only she, Sheridan and he knew the answer. It was worth a shot.

Marcus was capable of coming up with something like this just to get out of Medlab after having rested. But this time it wouldn't be that easy, Stephen thought resolved.

“There’s something only Susan knows, a secret she has been hiding her entire life..." A baffled look shone from Marcus' eyes. Stephen had never seen his friend this perplexed.

“Are you referring to the fact that I am a latent? If you tell anyone I'll slowly torture you before I space you. What the hell am I saying?"

The answer convinced Stephen completely. This was Susan, but why was she in Marcus' body? This was going to be mayhem and apprehensively he said, “Susan, I believe you, now lie down... your body... well, Marcus' body is too weak for this kind of excitement. Lie down!" and realized this situation was getting on his nerves. Marcus, no Susan, lay down and Stephen tried to figure out how to react to the situation.

"Stephen, what happened? I have to know. "

Stephen was having a hard time dealing with this. Marcus' accent, intonation was gone and it reminded him of the fact that Susan now occupied that body. Susan seemed mad and although he wasn't concerned for his own safety he wondered if Marcus would survive her rage?

Susan felt exhausted and looked to Stephen for answers. This body was the strangest thing. When she had looked down at it she had recognized several items at once; the ranger pin, the stupid long cloak...

Yes, she was in Marcus' body and didn't like it one bit… and why did she feel so damned tired? She tried to stretch, but stopped when every muscle screamed out in protest. The fabric of the uniform was warm and soft, but her face itched terribly. The beard irritated the hell out of her.

Looking about she realized something else too. Was her own eyesight that bad? The colors were much richer now and she managed to read the instructions on the wall several feet removed. She had tried that once when she had been in for a routine check up. She hated the idea of needing contacts. "Stephen, start telling me what happened before I get really, really angry," she whispered dangerously.

Feeling ill at ease he sat down and tried to postpone the inevitable.

Something hard pressed into her side and Susan managed to raise an arm. It was that stupid pike of his and absentmindedly she studied his hands, so much bigger than hers.

She removed the pike and placed it on the bed, ignoring it. This was so unreal. If Marcus was behind this, then she was going to kill him in a very painful way.

"I don't know where to start. Do you remember getting injured in battle?"

"Yes, it’s foggy but I know some debris hit me hard. My head hurt terribly..." Susan was hurled back to that moment. John had told her that she was going to die shortly. But here she was and still alive. How was that possible? She wanted answers and she needed them now!

"You had a … fatal injury. The Minbari physicians kept you alive and sedated. Then you were sent back to Babylon 5."

Susan remembered something else though. Marcus had been there, holding her hand. Had he been crying? "What about Marcus?" she whispered softly.

"We’re getting there, Susan." Stephen had to repeat that name in order to remind himself that she inhabited this body. He still hadn't gotten used to the lack of accent and her particular tone. "You were brought here, to Medlab." Stephen found it hard to tell her that she had been brought here to die. But she had a right to know.

"Your injuries were too severe and your body too weak. You had slipped into coma. You were brought back to Babylon 5 to die, Susan. There was nothing I could do to heal you."

Susan swallowed hard. She had been brought back here to die... it wasn't a statement she wanted to hear from Stephen. They had given up on her! Although she was having trouble staying awake, she forced her eyes to remain open. This situation had to be dealt with right now.

"You know of the alien healing machine I have been studying?"

"Yes, Stephen and why do I have the feeling you’re preparing me for something really bad?"

“Because you won't like it. Marcus acquired the machine and hooked the two of you up. He gave you part of his life-force, but something went wrong. Except for the energy it must also have transferred your minds. Hell, I don't know its secrets!"

Stephen stopped talking. Marcus’ face reflected mixed emotions. Stephen constantly reminded himself they were Susan’s. Every time he looked at Marcus he expected to hear that damned accent.

"Do I understand you correctly? He was willing to die for me to bring me back? Why?" Susan remembered his grief stricken face when the Minbari doctors had taken her into their care. What had made him do such a thing? "Is he alive?"

Stephen couldn't help chuckling. This was too much! "Considering the fact that you’re in his body I assume Marcus is in yours. He’ll be asleep for hours. You were high on painkillers."

Susan sighed reassured. Marcus was alive, so she could kill him for creating this mess. But first she wanted her own body back!

"You asked me why he did it, want to know why?" Stephen offered softly.

Susan had to fight harder to stay awake. "Yes, why?" She considered Cole a friend, even though he was a pain in the ass and never knew when to shut up. But why had he gone to such extremes for her? She couldn't remember being especially nice to him, she only wanted him to shut up; the man babbled and raved for hours.

Stephen wasn't sure he should be telling her this, but he was afraid she might scold -or even worse completely ignore- the ranger and Marcus didn't deserve that. "Remember when he and I discovered the Vindrizi?"

Susan nodded and scratched her chin. This beard infuriated her. How could Marcus stand it?

"We were locked up together and he... told me he had feelings for you. He has been in love with you since he arrived on the station. Don't you know that?"

Susan felt guilty. She’d had suspicions for some time now but she had chosen to ignore them. Was love the only reason Marcus had done this?

"He loves you, Susan. I watched him for some time now. Marcus doesn't have that many friends. Perhaps he couldn't stand the idea of losing another one."

"So he hooks himself up to that... thing and gives me his life-force. When I get my hands on him he’s going to pay for this. Stephen, you’ve got to find a way to get me back into my own body so I can kill him."

Stephen chuckled as Susan drifted off into sleep. She was dealing with this far better than he had expected. Somehow he knew the real problem would be Marcus.

After checking the monitors he was sure Susan was soundly asleep. The body needed to recover from the energy drain. Stephen pulled a blanket over the silent form and left the room. He had to visit his other patient and he had mixed feelings about that confrontation. His instincts told him Marcus would take this much harder than Susan had.

 

Footsteps part 3

 

Susan had been asleep for hours, when suddenly someone tugged at her sleeve. She was reluctant to wake up and by opening her eyes she was immediately reminded of whose body she was in. Briefly she wondered how to deal with this in the long term. Stephen =had= to figure out how to operate the machine as quickly as possible to undo the switch.

"Marcus? I’m so sorry to wake you but it’s Benny... he’s sick again and I hoped you could help him... again."

A middle-aged lurker, wearing filthy clothes was standing beside the bed. He looked haggard and a feverish expression roamed his eyes. Susan moaned softly as her body protested against the sudden movement. Realizing she didn't want the whole station to know what Marcus had done she had to act like him and that would also include mimicking his appalling accent. She hoped she could pull it off.

Who was this stranger and want did this Benny want from her? "Sorry, must have dozed off. Will be with you in a second," she whispered and felt relieved as she managed to imitate Marcus’ accent. Good, the lurker seemed to trust her. Well, how hard could it be, walking in Marcus’ shoes? She felt confident that she would manage just fine.

The lurker was waiting for her to get up and as she swung her legs down to the floor vertigo overwhelmed her. Instantly her eyes were drawn to the pike, lying on the side of the bed. Marcus would never forgive her if she lost the stupid collapsed pike. She fumbled for a moment and then found the place on his uniform to attach it to.

"Where do you think you’re going?" Stephen exclaimed as he entered the room. A nurse had told him about the lurker’s appearance and Stephen, afraid for Susan’s reaction, had rushed to the room.

"Would you wait outside for me?" Susan asked the lurker in a determined tone.

The lurker nodded and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Susan succeeded in remaining on her feet without Stephen’s help and was amazed at how different everything looked now that she was taller. This body felt weird anyway.

"Stephen, don't you dare go telling anyone what Marcus did and what... side- effects occurred. After we get our bodies back I want to continue my life as before. Patient-doctor confidentiality. You’ve got to keep this quiet! Stephen, I’ll be back, don't worry. There’s something I, no Marcus needs to do. I don't want them to think something is wrong. Understood?"

Stephen noticed the familiar, cranky tone in the voice. While she had talked to the lurker Susan had imitated Marcus' accent, but now that they were alone it had vanished. He didn't want her to leave, as she needed rest. But he also knew it was impossible to change Susan Ivanova’s mind when she was set on doing things her way. She was one obnoxious woman! "You’ll be back?" he asked, needing reassurance.

"Off course I’ll be back!” Susan said frustrated. “I have a score to settle with Marcus, remember?" Still getting used to this new body she awkwardly made her way outside.

Stephen shook his head as she left Medlab. Luckily she wasn’t mad at him!

 

Shocked, Susan realized everyone knew of Marcus' secret crush on her. People she had never seen before walked up to her, patted her on the shoulder and told her how sorry they were that the Commander had been mortally injured.

What surprised her most was the honest and caring tone. It looked like Marcus had a lot of friends in Down Below, something she had never realized before.

Focusing on making her way through Down Below she did her best not to stumble over Marcus’ insane cloak. It had already tripped her twice. Concerned, the lurker had looked up and the man stayed close, as if to help her should she fall. She wondered if the man would act in the same way if he knew he was escorting Commander Ivanova and not Marcus Cole. People usually felt intimidated by her.

She still had a problem though. Who was this Benny and what was wrong with him? The lurker might supply her with that information if she asked the right questions. "How is Benny?" she said. That question seemed fairly safe to ask. But keeping up the accent was draining and annoying.

The man looked up, as he seemed to expect the question. They were now in a part of Down Below that was mostly inhabited by sick people, the ones without money or hope. The coughing crowd made her feel edgy and she wished she could return to Medlab.

"His fever has returned and I can't get through to him. Benny is calling out for his parents all the time. I ran out of the credits, which you gave me. I don't understand why medicine has to be this expensive!"

Susan calmly registered the information. Whoever this man was, he wasn't Benny's father. However, he did seem to care for Benny.

"You’re the only one who can make him relax when he’s in this state, he loves listening to your fairy tales."

Fairy tales? Hell, she hardly knew any fairy tales at all. This discovery only made her more determined to make Marcus suffer before killing him.

As they reached their destination Susan looked at the tent, consisting of various pieces of fabric. She had to bend down to get inside and immediately smelled the salty sweat in the little room. It was a small, unfurnished room, perhaps half the size her own bedroom. A huddled figure lay on the floor, judging from the person’s size she was dealing with a child.

The lurker stayed outside, as there wasn't enough room for the two of them. As she approached the boy she heard his labored breathing and sat on her heels to look at Benny.

She had been right. It was a small boy, no older than ten years. He was feverish and calling out for people she assumed were his parents. What was Marcus' part in this? The boy noticed her presence and stared into her eyes.

”Marcus... tell me a story..."

The broken voice made her shiver, but luckily recognition showed in the child’s eyes. The fever hadn’t fully claimed him yet. She felt sorry for him and opened her arms. It was bitter that these people had to live like this.

Once, a long time ago, she had helped Stephen in running a free clinic in Down Below. But she had been forced into giving it up as work in C&C absorbed her completely.

Was Marcus still helping these people survive? Suddenly, she felt ashamed. Had she ever made an attempt to get to know him? To really get to know him? To find out why he acted in a certain manner? No, she hadn’t. 

Benny crawled on to her lap, looking at her with wonder in his draped eyes.

"Marcus, are you sick too?" Benny asked and tried to smile but his fragile frame shook with severe coughing. Benny struggled to continue breathing.

"You should be in Medlab," Susan stated saddened. Her voice, Marcus' voice, had a remarkable effect on her, it felt like Marcus was in here too and that revelation made her shiver.

"A story, Marcus. You started Beauty and the Beast the last time you were here," Benny said pleadingly.

The child coughed again and a pained look appeared in his eyes. Beauty and the Beast? Great! At least she knew that one. She sucked at telling stories, but realizing she couldn't let Benny down she started the tale. Benny drifted off to sleep within minutes.

As she put the child back down on to his pile of blankets she ran a hand over his dirty hair. She had a hard time accepting the fact that Marcus went into Down Below to tell Benny stories. ”I really don’t know him,” she realized ashamed. 

The lurker had mentioned that he had run out of the money Marcus had given him and could no longer pay for the meds. Susan wondered how to get her hands on some credits. As she searched his pockets she discovered several credit chips and took out a handful, before stepping outside.

The lurker was still waiting patiently for her return and looked relieved that the kid had stopped raving. Resolved, Susan handed him the credits.

"Thank you, Marcus. If it hadn't been for you, Benny would have died months ago. I don't know how to repay you, but should you ever need help, let me know."

Susan nodded. She still had to find her way back to Medlab and left the lurker behind who immediately went inside the tent. A sleazy bar drew her attention and she sat down to catch her breath as this walk had exhausted her.

She was about to order vodka but realized just in time that tea would be more appropriate. While she waited for her drink to arrive her thoughts returned to Marcus Cole. What was he really like?

 

Stephen sighed relieved as Susan finally returned to Medlab. He had been afraid she would do something stupid in order to get the frustration out of her system. " How are you feeling? Are you already used to being in his body?" he inquired softly.

Susan sat down and looked depressed. "The body isn't the problem. Marcus is."

"What happened, Susan?" Stephen asked, sensing distress in the voice.

Susan uncovered the Minbari fighting pike and wondered how to open it. After she made sure that it wouldn't hit her she started exploring the weapon’s mechanism.

"Remember the lurker? He took me to Down Below to see a sick boy named Benny. Marcus has been telling him fairy tales for some time. Somehow Marcus never struck me as someone who would do that,” she admitted in a guilty tone.

"On the contrary, Susan. Marcus cares a lot for these people. I know, because when the Vindrizi captured us he was quite concerned for this old man’s health. His name was Duncan if I remember correctly. That's why he’s so damn good at his job. People =know= he’s sincere," Stephen explained, trying hard not to make it sound like a lecture.

Susan had gone silent, as she was lost in thought. Suddenly the pike opened unexpectedly and startled, she almost dropped it on to the floor.

That action annoyed Stephen greatly. "I hate that sound,” he confessed. “While we were on Mars he would do that for hours in a row. Left me traumatized."

Susan couldn't help smiling. Marcus had told her he had driven Stephen mad during that trip.

Usually Stephen prided himself on reading the correct emotions on someone’s face, but this time he failed miserably. He only knew one thing for certain, something was troubling her. "Susan?"

She straightened her back and weighed her words carefully. What could she tell him and what should she leave out? The truth was she wanted to know more about this man who had been willing to sacrifice his life for hers. She had ignored Marcus' obvious attraction for too long. "How is Marcus doing? Has he woken up?"

"No, not yet, but I expect him to do so any moment now. I want to talk to him first… alone. This will be an even bigger shock to him than it was for you," Stephen said in a soft tone, while studying her expression.

Susan raised an eyebrow at that remark, as she didn't second that. Why would it be harder on him?

Stephen knew he had to explain. "You do realize that the last thing Marcus remembers is hooking himself up to the machine, expecting to die? In my opinion as a professional I have to conclude this was a suicide attempt."

Susan stared at him. She hadn't thought about it in that way. But Stephen’s words made sense. Looking back she had to admit that Marcus had often acted recklessly since he’d arrived at Babylon 5. But why did he possess this destructive drive? She glanced at Stephen. "What do you recommend we do?"

"As I said, I’ll talk to him first. You can monitor the conversation from my office. You need to know how he feels as you’ll have to confront him sooner or later. You need to know what you’re up against."

Susan nodded her agreement. They needed to resolve this now and get everything in the open as quickly as possible. No matter how hard or painful it would be for the both of them. "I’ll be in your office," Susan agreed.

Now that she was alone she sat down behind Stephen’s desk and switched on the monitor. For the first time she was confronted with her battered body and realized she wasn't prepared for the shock. Trembling fiercely she took in the damage done to her body.

It looked broken and bruised, but the headpiece had been removed. She vaguely remembered the pain when they had attached it to her head. One intravenous line was feeding her body, as it needed medication and nutrition. With growing horror she realized that Marcus was locked up inside that shattered body.

 

Footsteps part 4

 

“It’s time to wake up. Realize we are special, before it's too late,” a soft voice reminded him in his sleep.

But pain ripped Marcus apart and Duncan’s parting words grew weaker. He had said goodbye to the old man so long ago… a lifetime ago. His mind was playing tricks on him and he struggled to retrieve his memories of the last few days.

The healing device was draining his body, giving his life-force to the love of his life. He knew he would never wake up again and was ready to embrace death. Then darkness had folded itself around him, a calming darkness, soothing to the eyes. As he lost consciousness he had welcomed it with open arms.

"Marcus, wake up. I know it's hard but you’ve got to open your eyes."

He cringed hearing Stephen’s voice, who had often been the target for his practical jokes. This could only mean one thing; he was still alive after all. Damn, he couldn't even die properly! Refusing to open his eyes he realized they had found him

before he could give enough of his life-force to bring Susan back. Another failure he could add to the list.

Worried, Stephen realized he had to handle this carefully. "Don't be afraid, Marcus. Susan’s alive and just fine. Your little suicide plan worked." Stephen couldn't keep the sting out of his words. First he had faced the possibility of losing Susan, then he had learned about Marcus’ little plan. Briefly he had been scared of losing them both.

"She's alive? You’re not lying, are you, Stephen?" Marcus whispered while keeping his eyes closed. Something strange was going on, but he couldn’t name the sensation. His body felt so... uncanny. Perhaps the power drain had left him paralyzed.

"No, I’m not lying, Marcus, Susan is fine, but there was a side-effect... you couldn't know... I didn't know..." Stephen wished Marcus would open his eyes so he could read the emotions in them. It was important for Marcus to learn what had happened as quickly as possible. Only then could he start any counseling. He had no idea how Marcus would react to being in Susan’s body. If necessary he would put Marcus in restraints. Susan’s body was still healing and as long as Marcus was in there he was responsible for that body. It was obvious that he had to expand the research on that damned machine. After his friends had returned to their own bodies he was going to destroy it. It had almost caused someone’s death.

"What side-effect?" Marcus noticed the effort he had to make to actually talk.

He felt so weak, so different and totally lacked the strength to look at Stephen.

"Your life force enabled Susan’s body to start healing... but… well, I don't know how to say this... you’re in Susan’s body and she’s in yours." Stephen sighed, telling his friend the truth. Apprehensively he waited for Marcus to react. He didn’t have to wait for long. Susan’s blue eyes stared at him in bewilderment.

Marcus tried to cock his head but pain rushed down his neck. But he’d seen enough. Susan’s hair had replaced his and finally he could put a name on the strange feeling in his body… it was female.

As he moved his fingers he noticed the slightly longer fingernails and realized that his eyesight had changed too, it had diminished a bit. Stephen had spoken the truth and he closed his eyes in surrender. Susan was alive and would surely find a way to make him suffer. "Now what?” he asked apprehensively.

Marcus' apparent lack of emotion scared Stephen. At least Susan had reacted in a normal way. "You’ve got to stay in bed. Susan’s body is still very brittle and you aren't going to do anything to endanger that recovery. I’ll put you in restraints if you try to sneak off. "

The threat in Stephen’s voice was audible and Marcus whispered, “I would never do anything to harm Susan."

The sudden change on the face indicated that Marcus was in pain and Stephen reacted at once. "Marcus?" he asked, quickly checking the latest readings.

"I guess this is my punishment for what I did to her..."

The readings on the monitor confirmed Stephen’s suspicions. "I’ll give you a painkiller." Stephen injected it into the bloodstream and Marcus immediately calmed down.

"She wants to kill me, doesn't she? Too bad for her she has to wait until I’m back in my own body.” A tear made its way down the chin.

Stephen realized Marcus had reached his breaking point and was beyond denial and signaled Susan to come inside.

Susan rose from behind the desk and took a deep breath, having no idea if she was going to explode in there or if she would manage to remain calm. If Stephen couldn’t get Marcus to talk about his emotions, perhaps she could.

 

Marcus’ thoughts circled on having failed again. Susan might be alive but was in his body and he in hers. Nice going, Marcus, he scolded himself mentally. He kept his eyes closed, partly because he didn't want to face Stephen and partly because of the pain in his back. Mentally chanting a Minbari mantra he tried to clear his mind of all thoughts and to regain a certain amount of calm. Unintended he flinched as the door opened and closed again. Footsteps closed in on him. Somebody had entered the room and Marcus tensed as his instincts told him who it was.

"Stephen, can I talk to him in private?"

Marcus almost choked, hearing his own voice but without the familiar accent. His nemesis had arrived and hell was about to swallow him. Stephen left the room and he wished the doctor had stayed as it would have added greatly to his sense of safety. Susan wouldn’t torment him in Stephen’s presence.

"Marcus, we’ve got to talk." Susan pulled up a chair and sat down. She had a hard time looking at her injured body. Seeing this damaged body and knowing Marcus occupied it had an enormous emotional impact on her.

What emotions had he experienced as he’d hooked himself up to that damned machine? Why he had done something so drastic? Was the answer that easy? Was it love?

" I know, you’re bloody mad at me. I can't blame you really."

Susan felt like she was in the Twilight Zone. Although she heard her voice, it was definitely his damned accent, reminding her of what he had done. Marcus had saved her life. Without his stupid action she would be dead now. The body switch had never been his intention but he blamed himself for that too.

As that realization set in her rage slowly left her. Instead she was filled with peace. For the first time in years she felt comfortable with herself. Here was a man who cared so much for her that he wanted to die for her. After all the disappointing affairs she’d had over the years she had finally found the one who made her happy, made her feel special. Only her mother had managed to do that until now, until Marcus.

All of a sudden she knew what to say to him, as the words appeared from deep within her soul. "Thank you for saving my life, Marcus. If it hadn't been for you, I would be dead now."

Marcus expected her to scream at him for his stupidity and her choice of words completely surprised him. Slowly he relaxed a little. "I couldn't let you die when there was a way for me to save you. "

His softly spoken words send shivers down her spine. Only now she realized he was refusing to look at her. "Stephen promised to find a way to undo the switch. In a few days we’ll be back in our own bodies. This isn’t a permanent condition. "

Marcus hesitantly opened his eyes, but still felt scared so he hid behind his familiar armor of humor. Looking up he discovered she was sitting beside the bed. His own face looked back at him, but now a sparkle shone from his eyes. A sparkle he had never seen when he’d looked at his face in the mirror.

"Well,” Marcus started slowly, “I always wanted to meet myself like Stephen did during his walkabout. Just didn't expect it to be like this."

Susan sensed his fear more than she heard or saw it. She had no idea what to make from his facial expressions as she was staring at her own body. But her instincts told her Marcus was petrified.

She decided to change the subject, as she wanted him to feel a bit more comfortable before tackling the more serious and painful matters. "I asked Stephen not to tell anyone what happened. I have been posing for you and I even mastered that accent. Once we have our own bodies back we can go on like nothing ever happened. Is that okay with you?"

Marcus wanted to grab her hands and thank her for saving him from the humiliation of having to tell Delenn what had happened. He dismissed the idea, thinking she would never forgive him such an obvious expression of relief. At that point his head started to spin. He had to learn to separate their bodies and minds. "Yes, that’s fine with me," he whispered embarrassed.

"You better start telling me some stuff, like the access code to your quarters, and the things I’ve got to do to maintain this cover. I don't want anyone to get suspicious."

Marcus immediately regretted saying yes earlier. This was even worse. He tried to imagine Susan taking part in ranger activities and could barely refrain from laughing.

“The access code,” Marcus said, suppressing his sudden urge to chuckle.

Susan shot him an angry look. ”Stephen will keep you in Medlab so it seems you’re off the hook for the time being. Leaves me with all the work."

Marcus wished he had chosen a different access code for his quarters. She wouldn’t like this one. But he was already in so much trouble... "Well, the password is Suzotchka. " Marcus stopped talking, awaiting her wrath. As he went to duck he discovered he could hardly move.

Susan was indeed stunned. Had he chosen that as his access code? She smiled. He never expected to have to tell her that and she decided not to react to it, impatient to find out all the other things he had kept secret. "All right. I think I can remember that one. Now are there any things I need to do in the next couple of hours?"

Marcus tried to remember. After winning the war the rangers had been given some time off. The only thing she was required to do was to report to Delenn this evening to see if there were any urgent matters that needed to be dealt with. Marcus realized she would never be able to mislead Delenn. That woman was so damned perceptive. Apart from Delenn no one had ever managed to see behind the mask he was so used to wearing.

But if Susan wanted to try... He only wished he could be there to see her face when Delenn exposed her. "You have to report to Delenn at 20.00 hours, that’s it. She gave me some time off so there’s nothing else you need to do."

Susan sensed he’d started to relax. She hated doing this to him, but she had to know the truth. "Why did you do it, Marcus? Why die for me?"

The question caught him totally off guard and his panic returned. Marcus wished the machine had taken his life after all. He'd never expected that question as their conversation had drifted away from that subject. She had lured him in to safety! Lost, he didn't know what to say.

"I want the truth, Marcus. Just tell me the truth."

Just tell me the truth, like that’s going to make things easier! Marcus thought confused. "I... didn't want... to lose another one... I care for. Most of my friends are dead and I failed to save my brother. I don't think I could have handled losing you." Marcus looked at the floor. This situation was getting out of hand. She wasn't satisfied yet and he really wanted to tell her everything, but this wasn’t the right time! His growing fatigue was getting to him and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He was going to drift off to sleep in mere minutes.

Susan saw it happen, the eyelids closed and Marcus was asleep. Well, they had started telling each other about their feelings. The rest would follow in time. She looked at her body one last time, still trying to figure out how Marcus Cole’s mind worked. Eventually she gave up.

Stephen thoughtfully entered the exam room. It was a good thing Marcus had given in to sleep and now he wanted to tell Susan the good news. She could certainly use some!

"Stephen."

"Susan, I’ve got promising news for you, actually for the both of you but I don't want to wake Marcus up," he started softly and crooked his head to observe Marcus until he was sure the ranger was soundly asleep and in no pain.

Susan gestured him to walk her to his office and after they settled down Stephen started to talk.

"I had another look at the healing device and I think I can reverse the process. Marcus did some impressive research before deciding on his plan and in the process unraveled several of the device’s secrets. But I want you, well Marcus… damn, the female body to be a bit more stable before doing this. I suggest we try to reverse the transference tomorrow."

Susan fumbled awkwardly with the pike as it distracted her, giving her hands something to do. "Sounds good. When will you tell Marcus?"

“When he wakes up again. He needs rest, Susan. His mind has to deal with everything that happened so far," Stephen said in a compassionate tone.

Susan understood his concern. She had woken up in a drained but uninjured and rested body. After she had slept for hours she felt fairly normal. "I’m going to his quarters. I don't want anyone to figure out what occurred, Stephen. Marcus said I had to report to Delenn at 2000 hours so perhaps I can catch a little sleep before that." 

 

It now was 1700 hours. Susan got up and left Marcus in Stephen’s care. She headed for Marcus' quarters and hoped she wouldn't encounter anyone she knew, but quickly ran out of luck.

Lennier was pressing the doorchime to Marcus' quarters. Marcus and Lennier were friends but why did he have to come here now? Susan reminded herself not to forget about his accent and said, "Lennier, I wasn't expecting you."

Lennier turned and bowed slightly. Susan mimicked the gesture, hoping she'd got it right.

"Marcus, Delenn asked me to remind you that your presence is required at the meditation session at 1800. She is worried you might have forgotten about it because of what happened to the Commander."

Great, Lennier knows as well, Susan thought enraged. She punched in the access code and the door slid open. For a second she stared at his quarters, remembering his request for quarters when he’d just arrived.

She hadn’t tried hard to assign him comfortable quarters. It was small, very small and there was no kitchen. The vibe-shower made her shiver. The furniture was sparse, a table, a kitchen chair and a more comfortable chair that could be changed into a bed. No plants, no paintings, only some 15 books piled up against the wall next to a small closet.

Susan felt guilty for putting him in this hole. There were much more comfortable quarters available. She could have given him one, but he’d never complained. Stepping inside she felt like an intruder. Lennier followed her in and surprised Susan faced him, wondering why he was still there.

"How are you coping with this, Marcus? I know how much the Commander means to you."

It suddenly dawned on Susan that something had happened on Babylon 5 and she hadn't known about it. No, that wasn't true. She had known, but had refused to accept the truth. Marcus loved her. "She is... recovering. Stephen is hopeful she’ll be back in C&C soon," she replied in a choked tone.

"I am glad to hear that. For some time it sounded like she would die."

Yeah, and then he used the healing device and brought me back, Susan thought confused.

"I will leave you now, Marcus. You need a shower and a clean uniform. You cannot appear at the ceremony looking like this."

Susan realized she had no idea where the session would take place. "Where…?”

Lennier interrupted her. "Grey 5, the exercise facility."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"That is understandable under these circumstances." Lennier bowed once more and left.

The door closed and she finally was alone. She sniffed at the ranger uniform and realized Lennier was right. There was this appalling stench attached to the fabric... But she didn't look forward to taking a shower or undressing for that matter. This wasn't her own body and she didn't want to do anything to disgrace it.

Her bladder reminded her of the fact that she needed to attend to other bodily functions too. She resigned herself to the fact that there was no way out of this. She thought about Marcus and knew he would treat her body respectfully.

Absent-mindedly she walked over to the closet and looked at its contents. One other ranger uniform, a few shirts and one pair of sweat pants. “So that's why he’s always in uniform. I’m going to take him shopping after everything is resolved,” Susan muttered beneath her breath and decided to wear the spare uniform. Slowly she walked over to the small bathroom. Fantastic, a vibe-shower. She hated that particular invention. As a Commander she had the luxury of a real water shower.

Her bladder started to scream for attention and she vowed not to drink until she was back in her own body. She didn't want to have to go through this a second time.

Well, she had to pee, but she couldn't just... take… =it= out and...

"Marcus, you’re going to pay for this!" She clenched her teeth and unzipped

his pants. She felt more than uncomfortable. This was something that actually scared her. She rather fought Clark than do this.

Her hands reached for his penis, but they stopped as she looked at his manhood. “This can’t be happening!” she moaned in despair, but curiosity won at long last and she gingerly touched and examined the warm flesh.

As she relieved herself she tried hard not to think of what she was holding in her hands, instead she thought of various ways to torment him. But it was impossible to ignore the sensations as her hands explored the warm flesh.

In order to take that shower she had to drop the rest of the clothes to the floor and was now confronted by the mirror image of Marcus' naked body as she stepped into the shower cubical. She had to admit he had a trained and gorgeous body. Several scars from the fights he had been in covered his body and she found herself tracing one on his abdomen. When had he gotten this one?

Wondering how it would feel to lie next to this naked body she touched his chest. However, another side effect she hadn't counted on reared his head. Thinking of him in this way aroused his body. Stunned, she stared at the hardening flesh until it was fully erect.

"Marcus… I... damn..." Susan tried hard to ignore the sexual arousal. For a second she was tempted to see how it would feel to come as a man...

“Stop thinking that, Susan! The guy is a virgin. You don't want him to discover you... played with it!” she admonished herself.

All of a sudden she chuckled, realizing how silly and ridiculous this situation was. She laughed and actually enjoyed the shower (though she was relieved as IT started to shrink again.)

What would happen when they all found out Marcus had almost died for her? Her stomach kicked in and she felt like throwing up. Garibaldi would never stop nagging about this and Sheridan would go along. She would be the laughing stock for months.

“And what about Marcus?” she asked herself. How would he feel once everyone knew what he had done for her?

Susan slipped in to the uniform and after combing her hair left his quarters to go to Grey 5. What was this meditation session about? Why hadn't Marcus told her? “Perhaps it slipped his mind because he died for you?” she whispered, berating herself.

Susan froze. Ever since the energy transfer this annoying inner voice had kicked in. It felt like her conscience had gone into overdrive. Or was it simply her heart talking? She hadn't listened to it for such a long time. 

During her walk to Grey 5 her thoughts circled around Marcus. “He must love me very much to do something like this. What if he had died trying?” she wondered softly, surprised she was putting these questions to herself.

She liked Marcus a lot more than she had allowed herself to believe. Perhaps even... loved him? After Talia’s death she had concluded it would be best to never love again. The danger of being hurt had made her heart go numb.

Now she wondered how she would have reacted had Marcus died. She would have thrown away his love. Wasn't that even worse?

Deeply occupied by these thoughts she suddenly sensed a hand on her shoulder, a gentle touch.

"Marcus, I’m glad you could come. I hope the Commander will be all right soon. But damnit, old chap, you should tell her you love her. "

Susan looked in to the eyes of a ranger who was about Marcus' age. His intense blue eyes and compassionate smile had a calming effect on her. How did Marcus deal with all these people? His friends cared a lot about him but to be lectured by everyone...

Speechless, she decided to merely nod. The other ranger patted her on the shoulder and she followed him into the training facility. Inside were several rangers and Minbari belonging to the religious caste. Relieved to see a familiar face she returned Lennier’s greeting. Lennier took her arm and led her aside.

"If you feel you cannot continue the session you are excused to go and see Delenn. She is worried… after all, the Commander almost died."

Susan wanted to scream at him to stop babying her. How did Marcus survive this meddling day after day? She nodded again as she wanted to talk at little as possible, afraid of giving away her secret.

A Minbari signaled the present group to take their places. Susan decided it was safest to stay with the ranger who’d addressed her earlier. "I hate meditation," she whispered off guard. She’d tried meditation once and had fallen asleep. She hoped she would do better this time.

All present sat down, cross-legged and closed their eyes. Only one Minbari remained standing. In his hand a very impressing looking rod. Why was that, Susan wondered?

She discovered the reason rather quickly. Every time someone fell asleep the Minbari used the rod to wake him up again. Susan had no wish to be hit by it on the back so she tried to stay awake and she knew now that she could never be a ranger. Everything inside her rebelled against the displayed discipline by the Minbari and humans. Well, she knew about discipline, a soldier herself, but she wanted action and wasn’t interested in sitting around like this.

How long would this session last? The ranger next to her got hit too and his eyes flashed open and his grin returned. Her mind drifted off to Marcus and she grew angry, realizing he was lying in a comfortable bed and she...

Susan never noticed that her fatigue overwhelmed her, causing her to fall asleep… only to be woken by that damned rod. It hit her back painfully. This was it! Susan Ivanova wasn't going to take this, even if Marcus would. Susan jumped to her feet, ready to physically attack the Minbari as Lennier stepped in.

"You'd better talk to Delenn. You are excused for now."

Susan had worked herself into a frenzy and after stamping on the floor, she left the room. The genuine warm smile on Lennier’s face eluded her.

“The Commander does have a temper, doesn't she? Poor Marcus...” he whispered too softly for anyone to hear.

 

It took Susan only a few minutes to get to Delenn’s quarters and hoped that Delenn wouldn't greet her in Minbari as she sucked at that language. Why had she never accepted Marcus’ offer to teach her Minbari? “Because then I would have had to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe he would have won me over, given the chance,” she realized in sudden understanding.

“Shut up!” Susan said infuriated with herself and pressed the doorchime. The door opened almost instantly.

"Please enter."

She immediately recognized Delenn’s voice. At least she wouldn’t have to invent a new Minbari greeting! While walking into Delenn’s quarters she discovered another Minbari was also present. Draal’s hologram was waiting for her. The old Minbari rose and bowed slightly as Delenn also paid her that courtesy. Susan had no other choice than to follow their example. Draal gave her a big, warm smile as he started talking.

"Hello trouble. It has been a long time since we talked last."

 

Footsteps part 5

 

Surprised, Susan took in Draal’s appearance, vividly remembering the time she had stepped into the Great Machine. He had called her trouble back then.

"Please sit down Susan," Delenn said with a smile on her face.

Delenn’s words shocked her. "What did you call me? How do you know..."

"I told her." Draal gestured her to sit beside him and offered her a cup of tea.

"You? How do you know what happened?” She slowly realized the truth. "The Great Machine showed you?"

"Yes, I’m witness to many amazing events, but I’ve seldom encountered self sacrifice like this. It awoke my curiosity," Draal explained.

Susan swallowed hard, realizing how foolish it had been to try and keep this quiet. Now what?

“I was worried when I learned what happened to you and Marcus. How are you dealing with this?" Delenn inquired concerned.

"Why is everyone asking me that question, Delenn? Why does the whole station know of his feelings, except for me? Does John know?" Susan asked frustrated. Why hadn’t they given her a reality check? Told her that Marcus wanted a second chance?

No, suddenly she realized that they had tried to do that. Stephen had told her that Marcus was interested in her and she had reacted by flinging those roses at him!

"Off course, Susan. As a matter of fact it was John who brought it to my attention that, and I quote, Marcus was following you around with puppy dog eyes."

"I’m going to kill Marcus!" Susan stated, but in reality she was angry with herself.

"Why is that, Susan? Did he not save your life?" Delenn looked at her puzzled. These humans managed to stun her time and time again. Why would Susan want to kill the man who loved her?

"Why give his life to save me? Does he have some kind of death wish?" Susan exclaimed. Suddenly her anger evaporated and she wished she could take back those words. But it was too late, Delenn’s eyes sought out hers and she avoided the confrontation. 

Delenn carefully considered her answer, apart from Jeffrey Sinclair and herself nobody else possessed all the pieces to the puzzle of Marcus' tragic past. Making a decision of conscience she decided to share her knowledge with Susan, knowing Jeff would approve of this action.

"Marcus cannot forgive himself for being alive. He carries a tremendous amount of guilt in his soul because he ignored William when he returned to Arisia to convince him to join the rangers. Just before the Shadows attacked, William attempted to warn him; Marcus did not listen and lost the place where he grew up, a woman he was quite fond of, his friends and his brother. He escaped from Arisia with only the clothes on his back," Delenn said saddened. “Such an event changes one’s outlook on life. Marcus never found his way back and since then he has been lost inside this maze of his own making.”

Her voice trembled as she addressed Delenn. Marcus had told her bits and pieces of his past, but she had never realized how traumatic it had really been. "Marcus told me that he'd promised his brother to end what he had started."

Delenn allowed for the interruption to take place, then continued her story. Now that she had taken this step to confide in Susan she had to tell her everything. "Marcus has never forgiven himself for being the one who made it out alive... I despair over Marcus. He has so much to give, but part of his heart went dead that night."

Saddened, Susan nodded her head. “Off course, it did. Think about it!” she exclaimed and her heart ached in understanding. “He lost =everything=. When you lose loved ones part of your heart dies with them.” Certain events were now beginning to make a lot more sense to her. "And I suspect he does have a death wish. Take the fight with Neroon. It offered him an honorable way out, defending you... damnit!"

Delenn sensed Susan’s dark mood and encouraged by Draal’s smile she added something that would hopefully lift Susan’s spirits. "But you can make a difference. You’ve made him feel again, Susan, he started to come alive again after he met you.” Delenn paused to gather her thoughts, thinking back to Lennier’s message telling her Marcus had left the fleet without permission to return to Susan. “We should have known that he would do something like this, but we were all caught up in the moment, except for Marcus, who put you first all the time," Delenn added.

Draal smiled encouragingly and Susan felt a little more comfortable. “He always tried to make me smile, Delenn and I never saw it.” She remembered the chart he had made to explain where he fitted in the structure of Babylon 5. Even back then she had been the center of his world. When she’d asked him why he had made it, he had only wanted to know if it had made her laugh. It had!

And his smile. If it hadn't been for that ISN-broadcast perhaps she would have actually kissed him. How could she have been so stupid? He was showing, telling her, how he felt about her every time they were together and she had simply ignored him. Finally she understood, knew his soul, his reasons.

"Delenn,” she started and returned Draal’s smile, as she suddenly felt relieved that the Minbari woman knew the truth. “I need time to think things over but thank you for telling me about Marcus’ past and Draal… I’m grateful that you told Delenn what he did."

Determined she got to her feet. But she had one more question to ask Delenn. "All this time you knew it was me in his body… why did I have to attend that grueling meditation session?"

It was Draal who replied, an even broader smile now rested on his expressive face. His deep voice boomed with hidden delight when he addressed her. "Did you not think it would be easy being him?"

Susan had to acknowledge that. It had proven much harder to walk in his shoes than she had originally assumed.

"So?" Draal wasn't yet satisfied yet, as he wanted her to speak the words.

"I’m still discovering things about him I never knew. But it’s harder than I thought," she admitted in a guilty tone. She had been wrong about many things! 

Draal didn’t hold back any longer and his laughter roared through the Ambassadorial quarters.

Suddenly Susan felt the urge to get out of here as quickly as possible and after mumbling good-bye she bolted in to the corridor.

 

Marcus hated being stuck in Medlab, being at Stephen’s mercy. Lately, Stephen was enjoying his misery far too much. His thoughts wandered off to Susan. What was she doing right now? Had she been able to fool Lennier and Delenn? He doubted it. Delenn was very perceptive and Lennier would surely spot his out of character behavior.

During these last hours he had done his utmost not to pay too much attention to the body he was in. How could he have made that kind of mistake? He had double-checked his information!

Although the vertigo remained he also noticed the pain had lessened over the hours. Stephen had offered him another shot of pain meds, but the discomfort was bearable and he had declined. It was the strangest thing to actually feel the body heal. Luckily something good had come out of this situation after all.

Susan was alive and her body recovering fast. Her body, he thought curiously as temptation sneaked around the corner. Although he loved Susan too much to do anything distasteful to her body he couldn’t deny his curiosity.

“No way, you’re not going to peek at it!” Marcus berated himself. He was a man of honor but also a virgin. “This may be my only chance to...” It was very doubtful he would ever get another chance to explore her body! Certainly not while Susan inhabited it!

Finally Marcus stopped arguing with his conscience and slightly lifted the med gown a little to peek at her chest. “Oh, my!” he whispered embarrassed and quickly pulled up the blanket.

Blood had rushed to his head as he’d admired her firm breasts and his face had become flushed. If Susan ever found out that he had peeked at her naked body he was a dead man. Well, he already was a goner anyway! So what the hell was he worrying about? Determined, he pulled up the blanket to his chin and wished he could tie down his hands somehow.

"Hello, Marcus. Are you awake yet?" Stephen halted his steps, seeing the fierce blush on Susan’s face. Ivanova never blushed. Marcus, being in Susan’s body, was supplying some interesting moments and he chuckled, realizing what might have brought this on. Had Marcus gotten curious about Susan’s body?

"Stephen,” Marcus exclaimed startled. “You’ve got to get me out of this body, please!"

Stephen was now sure what had caused the blush. As far as he knew Marcus and Susan were the first two humans to experience a body switch and their reactions would be worth studying.

Setting aside these musings he concentrated on his reason for coming here. He had come here with a plan to undo the body switch but the process wasn’t without risk. It would endanger Marcus’ life. "That’s what I came to talk to you about. I have found a way to reverse the process, but there’s a problem."

Marcus welcomed the subject, as he needed a distraction from the conflicting feelings raging inside him. "What kind of problem?"

Reluctantly, Stephen agreed to discuss the plan. "For the healing device to reverse the switch it needs energy from one of you two. Considering the state your bodies are in, I would say the energy would have to come from the male body. Yours, Marcus. But that would also be the second time, part of your life-force is drained within a very short period. I don't know what kind of effect it would have on you, Marcus. At the very least I think you'd have to spent several days in Medlab."

"Susan’s body would be healed in the process and returned to her?"

"I think so. When you gave her part of your life-force her body started to mend immediately. There’s a fairly big change she’ll be in an even better condition than you are after the reversal."

Stephen was particularly uncomfortable with the idea of a second drain of his friend’s life-force. Marcus' body had recovered extremely well the first time, but would it also be like that the second time around? "I’ll be there to switch the machine off before you get critical. I’ll turn it off the moment the transfer is complete."

Marcus didn't consider the risks a problem. He had gotten her into this mess, he had to get her out again. The pain involved was unimportant. "Just do it, Stephen. Return her body to her. Nothing else matters."

"What about you, Marcus?" Stephen asked concerned as he studied his friend.

Marcus shrugged. It didn't matter that much to him. "This is bound to get into the open, I’m realistic enough to accept that. I don't think I’ll stay on Babylon 5. It would be too hard to be around Susan after things get back to normal."

"So, I take it you didn't tell her about your feelings yet?" Stephen studied the latest readings. Susan’s body was quickly recovering.

"No, I can't do it. Not like this. I simply have to accept that she doesn't love me, Stephen... I’ll ask Delenn for that teaching position at Tuzenor she offered me some time ago. Then Susan will be rid off her pain in the arse."

Stephen shook his head. “Marcus,” he admonished his friend softly. After his last conversation with Susan he was quite sure that she was interested in a relationship with the ranger. Why wouldn’t Marcus believe that?

Unexpectedly someone cleared his throat and as Stephen turned around he discovered Sheridan and G’Kar standing in the doorway.

Panic built inside Marcus’ mind. He wasn't up to pretending being Susan. The mere presence of the Captain and the Narn startled him, knowing he could never fool them. Stephen grinned mischievously and Marcus resisted the urge to wipe it from his face. Stephen had been waiting to get even with him since their trip to Mars.

"Hello Susan, we decided to see for ourselves how you’re doing. I’m glad to hear you’re going to make a full recovery. Nice work, Stephen!" Sheridan complimented him.

Stephen didn't say anything. He couldn't take credit for this accomplishment.

Marcus had provided the miracle. But for the time being he had to respect Marcus’ wish. This had to remain a secret. Sheridan and G'Kar slowly approached the bed and Marcus’ nerves were high strung. Thankfully he was sitting up and he clung to the blanket, desperately keeping it in place.

They were waiting for a response and he had to give it a try, but without the accent though. To the best of his abilities he tried to imitate Susan’s tone and pronunciation. "Captain, G'Kar, I didn’t expect you to come to Medlab.”

Marcus knew he was in dire straits as he didn't even know how she would address him in private. John, Captain, Sheridan...? He could tell by Sheridan’s expression that he had done something wrong. The Captain seemed to dismiss the thought though, perhaps attributing it to the recent stress.

"We brought you something," Sheridan said and proudly presented a box filled with chocolates.

Marcus trembled sensing Sheridan’s probing look. Bugger, he had said only one sentence! What had he done wrong? And why did they have to bring him chocolates? He hated sweets! "Thank you," he replied. That seemed fairly safe to say.

"Susan, is something wrong?" Sheridan said concerned, no longer interested in pretending everything was fine.

Stephen took that as a cue to help Marcus. Although he’d enjoyed his friend’s misery, he didn't want the ranger to suffer .”Cut her some slack, John. Susan almost died!"

"Yeah, I’m still trying to figure this one out though,” Sheridan said and cocked his head to study them. “First you sent me a message saying Susan is dying and the next day she’s out of the woods and recuperating..."

Sheridan’s eyes made him nervous as hell and Marcus wished the floor would open and swallow him.

"Won't you try a chocolate? Normally you grab them from my hands, Susan," Sheridan whispered cautiously.

Marcus knew he was losing the game and felt helpless, but he couldn't tell them he was in Susan’s body! She would kill him if this secret came out in the open! And he wasn’t keen on telling them himself because Sheridan would demand an explanation. Choosing the lesser of two evils he selected a chocolate and ate it.

Delenn had once told him that he couldn't lie or fool his friends if his life depended on it. She was usually right, but this time he hoped she had been wrong.

Sheridan and G'Kar studied him and the awkward silence was getting to him. Marcus had reached his breaking point and surrendered to the inevitable. He had already been emotional because of his earlier conversation with Stephen about Arisia and couldn’t help exploding in frustration.

"What!” he snapped, staring at Sheridan’s face. “Stop looking at me like that! You’re driving me mad and by the way, I hate chocolates. Perhaps Delenn would appreciate them!" Marcus realized that he spoken in his normal tone and confused he stared at them.

Sheridan and G'Kar quickly realized the truth and it was the Captain who exclaimed, "You’re not Susan!"

"I told her it would never work, bloody plan!" Marcus avoided looking at his visitors and cursed himself for having blown his cover. I’m a complete idiot, he scolded himself. I fuck up dying and I can't even act like Susan for 5 minutes, he thought enraged. Again, he had let her down and had betrayed her trust.

G'Kar recognized the tone, the person inside the wrong body. Marcus had saved his life once and he liked the ranger. "Marcus?"

Marcus gazed at Stephen for help. " Please don't make me explain it to them," he pleaded in a shaky tone.

The pain in his patient’s tone made Stephen give in. "G'Kar, John, I think we better continue this conversation in my office." The doctor turned to look at Marcus. "Try to sleep." Stephen gestured the two men to follow him in to the corridor.

Marcus sighed, alone at last. Looking resentfully at the chocolates he placed them on the floor. Perhaps Susan would like to eat them later. This development only made him more determined to leave the station once he was back in his own body.

He would never again dare to face the Captain or G'Kar for that matter. After he‘d pushed the pillow into shape he turned on to his left side. Closing his eyes he used the meditation techniques the Minbari had taught him to calm down. It took him only a few minutes to clear his mind and fall asleep, shutting out reality.

 

G'Kar excused himself when Stephen asked him to step into his office. He promised to keep the secret and Stephen believed the Narn.

Turning to John who was sipping from some caff he informed his friend and superior of Marcus’s actions and the results. John listened in awe. He never suspected the ranger to be in love with Ivanova, he had thought it only a crush. “Was he really willing to die for her?” he asked surprised.

"Yes,“ Stephen confirmed. “John, I think they would both appreciate it if you kept this quiet. Marcus is embarrassed as he never expected to survive. "

John understood Marcus’ predicament. "Don't worry, Stephen. I’ll provide covers for their absence or eventual strange behavior. How is Susan dealing with this? I take it she’s in Marcus’ body?"

"Yes. She kind of surprised herself by dealing with this very well. Of course she’s mad at Marcus, but that anger has diminished quite a bit since the last time I talked to her. And by tomorrow they’ll be back in their own bodies."

"Can I talk to Marcus in private?" John requested.

"Go ahead, John, but don't be too hard on him."

"I wasn't planning on lecturing him, Stephen."

 

John looked at the sleeping body of Susan Ivanova. It was such a weird idea that Marcus Cole inhabited it. He didn't want to disturb Marcus, but the ranger stirred when he heard footsteps in the corridor. John gathered his courage and stepped inside. "Can we talk, Marcus?"

"You’re in charge of the station. You don’t need my permission to question me," Marcus replied confused as he hadn't expected the Captain to return. Lying here like this made him feel insecure and vulnerable. John Sheridan had to know by now how much he cared for Susan and what he had done to save the woman he loved from death.

John sat down and noticed Marcus’ clenched fists. "My, this is weird!" John chuckled briefly, still trying to comprehend what Stephen had told him.

"I know." Marcus was back to being shy. He’d never considered the possibility that someone would make him face up to what he had done.

"I just wanted to thank you. Susan is alive but if your life had been the price to pay... it would have been a terrible waste. Do you know how many people consider you a friend?" Sheridan noticed the watered eyes and decided not to push any further. "Is there anything I can do, Marcus? Except from chocolates?"

Marcus hesitated, there was something... but he was a bit apprehensive to ask something for himself. He had so few personal belongings.

Seeing the helpless look John repeated the question. "Just tell me, Marcus. As long as you aren't asking for bacon and eggs..."

Marcus smiled. Garibaldi and Sheridan had always been a little jealous because he had accomplished the impossible. "There’s something...” he reluctantly admitted. ”I used to draw when I was younger."

Sheridan expected something far more complicated. “Paper and pencils? That’s no problem. I’ll see to it that you’ll get them, Marcus." John rose and admired Marcus' courage. If it had been Delenn, would he have done the same thing for the woman he loved?

 

Footsteps part 6

 

Stephen silently sneaked into Marcus' room wanting to be absolutely certain his patient was still in there and resting. Reassured at hearing the gentle breathing he looked upon the sleeping form. This was the first time Marcus had ever actually obeyed his orders.

The sketchbook John had brought along aroused his interest. Marcus had fallen asleep with a pencil in his right hand and curiously he studied the drawing which showed a young man in his early twenties. Although the face seemed kind, the smile was downright filled with mischief. Stephen wondered who it was. No matter how hard he searched his memory he didn’t know anyone who resembled the man in the drawing.

"It's my brother William," Marcus whispered in a shaky tone.

Stephen nearly jumped at hearing the unexpected remark. "Damnit, Marcus! One day you’ll give me a heart attack!" Stephen put the sketchbook back and sat down on the side of the bed. "Want to talk about it?" Marcus' back was turned towards him and Stephen doubted his friend would confide in him.

Marcus sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, but he had reached a point where he could address the past and more importantly, he trusted Stephen. "Willie was killed during a Shadow attack. He tried to warn me… but I didn't listen. That night I lost all my friends and a girl I was beginning to like, I was the only survivor."

The fact that Marcus was opening up to him surprised Stephen greatly. Perhaps the ranger was finally ready to let go of the pain. “Almost everyone who has survived such a disaster feels guilty for being alive,” he started and noticed Marcus’ hungry expression. “But you’ve got to realize it’s a distorted feeling, Marcus. Nobody ever gave you a reality check, telling you to enjoy still being alive, did they?”

Marcus shook his head. “No,I never told anyone. Delenn knows but… I’ve carried this guilt with me for so long that I’ve grown used to it.”

“You’ve got to stop punishing yourself, Marcus. You’ve got to let go of the guilt and the pain. You survived, they didn’t, you’re not to blame for that,” Stephen stated and loved seeing realization dawn on his friend’s face. "You need to talk about your feelings, your loss. In the end you’ll see that there’s no reason to feel guilty.” He repeated those words on purpose, knowing how hard it had to be on Marcus to believe him. Tears colored blue eyes and Stephen smiled, still getting used to the fact that it was Marcus crying and not Susan.

"I’m starting to realize that now,” Marcus said hesitantly. “Thanks Stephen, you’re a good friend."

Reassured, Stephen got to his feet and nodded his approval. "You know where to find me should you want to talk. Now get back to sleep. Tomorrow will be an exhausting day for you. Just remember that you’ve got friends here on the station.”

Marcus watched him leave and shifted his position a little. Now that he had unburdened his soul he easily drifted off to sleep. But a name still echoed in his mind.

Duncan. Only now did he understand what the old man had been trying to tell him. “Perhaps I’m waking up now, Duncan. It was almost too late but maybe I can get let go of the guilt and get used to the idea of being special. I know someone who is special to me and even though she doesn’t love me I’m still going to protect her whether she wants me to or not!”

 

Susan frantically paced Marcus Cole’s quarters, eagerly awaiting the next day. Although she yearned for a glass of vodka the only thing Marcus had in stock was tea.

Slowing down her pace she strolled over to the pile of books. Tennyson, Byron, Dickens, and Hugo. Why wasn’t she surprised to read their names? Real books were very rare and expensive these days and she wondered if he had used ranger resources to acquire them. She wanted to turn away, but the book at the bottom drew her attention. “A diary?” she whispered surprised.

Her hands reached for it, though she kept telling herself that she shouldn’t be doing this. But while debating the issue with her conscience she realized she had lost the fight already. Carefully she pulled the diary from underneath the books and sat down on the bed.

She caressed the real leather binding and was still not sure what to do. Although she was curious she didn't want to invade his privacy. Finally she decided to read the last entry and then leave it alone. It only took her a moment to find it.

His graceful handwriting pleasantly surprised her and she wished her own were like his. Still feeling uncomfortable she started to read. His last entry was dated two days ago, right before he’d hooked himself up to the healing device.

 

# Everything is such a bloody mess! I totally fucked up, =again=. It wasn't enough William had to die. Now Susan is dying as well. I failed to protect her, warned her too late that the debris was heading her way. Again, I didn't pay enough attention...

It hurts too much to stand by and let her die. Not when there’s a way to save her! I want to tell her how much I love her and that she’s the reason why I still want to return from my missions, but I choke up when she’s around.

When she visited me after I fought Neroon she gave me the strength to heal, even though she doesn't know that. I should have told her then, but I’m such a bloody coward!

I’ve always been one. If only I had listened to Willie!

This will be my last entry. I don't know where this diary will end up. Probably on a pile of rubbish. That’s where it belongs after all.

There’s a way to bring her back, my Susan and I refuse to fail this time. She’ll make much better use of my life-force than I could.

Tennyson was right; death shall have no dominion, not over her... not over my Susan.#

 

Shocked, Susan put the diary down. Tears ran down her cheeks as she stared at his words. “The fool, the damn fool,” she whispered stunned and then another realization hit her. “I love him!”

She had to admit the truth now that he had faced death for her. Reluctantly she put the diary back where it belonged. Still completely dressed, she lay down on the improvised bed and inhaled his scent. For the first time in what seemed like ages she found herself longing for love, his love, his desire. Comforted by the familiar scent she dozed off, only to find him staring back at her in her dreams.

 

Stephen had just finished all the preparations to ensure the proper reversal of the process. The healing device stood in the center of the room and he hoped everything would be fine in the end. He checked the settings one last time and decided it was time to go and see Marcus. The ranger had been slept soundly the entire night and he had instructed the nurse not to wake him. Sleep was the best medicine.

While removing the last IV Susan’s body was still hooked up to, he reviewed the latest readings. Except for a severe fatigue Susan’s body was fine. "Marcus, time to wake up," he said in a kind tone and smiled, seeing that Susan’s hand was clutching the sketchbook.

Slowly, Marcus started to wake up. His sleep had been refreshing. There hadn’t been any nightmares and he couldn't remember the last time that he had slept this peacefully.

Sometime during the night he had dreamt about Duncan, William and Susan and he hadn't screamed himself awake. The dreams had been comforting and soothing. " Stephen,” he murmured, “has Susan arrived yet?"

"Yes," Stephen confirmed and helped him to his feet. Suddenly Marcus grabbed his arm and Stephen looked up questioningly.

"Stephen, promise me you won't shut the machine down before Susan has her body back!"

"Marcus, if you crash I =will= shut it down. I don't want to lose you!" Stephen gave him a stern glance, but Marcus’ eyes were lucid.

It was apparent that Marcus wanted to argue, but as Susan entered the room he quickly looked down at the floor, uncomfortable with seeing Susan in his body. He had done this to her!

"Need any help?" Susan offered in a soft tone.

"No, Susan I think we’ll be fine," Stephen replied amused at Marcus’s reaction to her presence.

While making their way to the prepped exam room Stephen tried to start a conversation. "Susan, did you manage to fool Lennier and Delenn?"

Susan chuckled briefly. "No, Draal told them what had happened - and he calls =me= trouble?"

"I knew it would come out in the open eventually," Marcus whispered and added something he knew would infuriate her. He would be a dead man anyway once Susan got her body back. "The Captain and G'Kar know the truth too. Sheridan discovered what had happened as he dropped off some chocolates for you, Susan."

" Chocolates? Did you eat them?" Susan replied softly, surprised that she didn’t care about Sheridan knowing the truth. Her concern was aimed at Marcus. Where the hell had her anger gone?

"No, I hate chocolates. I left them under the bed for you," Marcus whispered embarrassed.

Susan slowly realized what was about to happen as she spied the healing device in the center of the room. Stephen had told her the reversal would only take minutes, but she was nervous nonetheless.

Stephen sat Marcus down in a chair and hooked him up to the alien healing device.

Susan watched silently wishing that she were already back in her own body and Marcus in his. While sitting down, she realized that something felt awfully wrong. Why was Marcus avoiding her eyes? Perhaps because he felt uncomfortable? Repeating the process might trigger his memories, painful memories.

"Marcus. are you all right?" she inquired softly. The only response she got was a nod of confirmation. It still bugged her that this didn't feel right. "Stephen, are you certain this will work?"

"Yes, Susan." The doctor walked over to the healing device and looked at his friends and patients. Both were hooked up to the device and the settings correct. "Ready?

"Just do it, Stephen," Marcus whispered, eager to get this over with.

Susan marveled at his peculiar tone. Marcus sounded scared! Maybe they should abort this attempt before anything went terribly wrong!

But Stephen switched the device on and a familiar humming sound filled the room again. Slowly, she drifted off and lost consciousness as the energy transfer started to drain the body she was in.

Marcus finally looked up at her and fought back hot tears. She sat slumped forward in the chair, her eyes closed. He remembered the growing darkness she was experiencing now. It had been there during his rescue attempt.

Suddenly something ripped him apart and a scream died on his lips. His energy entered her body and a second later he was the one wrapped up in darkness. The familiar fabric of his uniform told him that he was back in his own body. Pain sliced through him and he lost his grip on consciousness. Everything turned black and the last thing he heard was Susan, yelling at Stephen to stop the energy transfer.

"Stop it, Stephen, it worked!" Susan yelled frantically.

Stephen reacted instantly and turned off the machine. Quickly he rushed over to Marcus who was about to fall out of his chair and on to the floor.

Susan had realized what had been wrong when Marcus’ body had grown weaker. After passing through a tunnel of darkness she’d found herself back in her own body. She had been so stupid!

In order for the machine to work it needed energy, Marcus' energy! Susan jumped up from her chair, completely ignoring the open back of the med gown and rushed over to Marcus to steady him. They had tricked her, damnit! Both of them had to be in on it.

"Is he..?" she failed in ending that sentence as her heart pounded hard. What if Marcus had died in the process? Quickly she checked for a pulse and sighed in relief when she found one.

"Don't worry, Susan. I was monitoring him the entire time." Stephen called in an assistant who had been waiting outside. Together, they wheeled Marcus back to his room and laid him down on the bed. Stephen worked quickly, but his gestures were gentle as he hooked his patient up to various pieces of machinery.

"Why is he unconscious?" Susan demanded to know as she pulled the back of her med gown together. For one moment she looked at herself in a mirror. The bruising and swelling was gone and she felt in superb condition.

"This was the second drain of his life-force. It will take him longer to recover this time." Stephen explained apprehensively. Then he pointed Susan towards the closet. "Your clothes are in there. Trust me, Marcus isn't going anywhere."

Susan raced towards the bathroom and slipped into the blue trousers and shirt. Impatiently she braided her hair. “It feels so good to be back in my own body!” she sighed in contentment. When she returned to Marcus, his eyes started to flutter.

"Marcus?” Stephen said softly. Not getting any response he raised his voice. “MARCUS?" The test results indicated there were complications. Marcus' energy readings were much too low. He had been afraid a second drain could have such an effect and Stephen mentally reviewed his options.

Susan, who now stood beside him, sighed worriedly. Marcus, she might actually give you a chance, he thought pleased. The doctor had once told Marcus that he and Susan were practically in different galaxies, but he wasn't so sure anymore. Marcus stirred slightly, but was in obvious pain.

"Stephen, why didn't you tell me the device needed energy? You could have used mine!"

"At the time using Marcus’ seemed the right choice," Stephen said weakly.

Susan gently took Marcus' cold hand in hers and rubbed his fingers. "Marcus? Talk to me or open your eyes. You’re scaring me!" she said honestly. An irrational fear had claimed her mind. He had to pull through! Hopefully he would react to her voice. “Marcus?” she tried again.

"Can’t... have Commander Ivanova... scared, can we?...That would... be a first..." Marcus whispered, panting slightly.

Susan let out the breath she had been holding. His eyes were still closed but his fingers grabbed hers and she squeezed them to reassure him everything was fine.

"Welcome back, Marcus. You’ll be pleased to know everything went as planned. The two of you are back to normal," Stephen said in a proud tone.

"That... is... bloody great... can I sleep now?... tired..."

"No, you can't, Marcus. I’m running several scans on you and I need you to be conscious throughout." Stephen studied the readings and observed his friend. Susan was still holding Marcus' hand and that little gesture brought a smile to his face. "Marcus, can you look at me for a moment?" One of the scans showed an anomaly.

Marcus didn't want to open his eyes. To do so required energy and he felt drained. But Stephen would nag until he complied. With tremendous effort he opened his eyes and recoiled as the darkness remained, everything was black. It didn’t really surprise him that something like this had happened after the second energy drain. 

Stephen registered the shocked expression on Marcus' face as he opened his eyes. Damn, the readings showed no neural activity in the area. That could only mean Marcus was blind, which could be a result of the drain. It could be temporary, it could be... permanent.

"What's the matter? Why are the two of you looking like that?" Susan asked in an uncertain tone. Something bad had happened, but she didn't know what it was. “Tell me damnit!” she demanded upset.

"Marcus, can you see anything at all?"

Stephen’s question paralyzed her and suddenly she recognized the empty stare in his green eyes. She had seen blind people stare like that.

"No, can't see." Marcus forced himself to remain calm. Getting hysterical about this wouldn't remedy the situation. In a strange way he was relieved the second drain hadn’t resulted in something worse. Being blind was something he could deal with, but he felt sorry for never seeing Susan’s beautiful face again.

"Stephen, are you telling me he’s blind?" Her voice trembled as she spoke those words and she tightened her grip on his hand.

Someone was squeezing his hand and Marcus hoped it was Susan. If it was Stephen they needed to have a serious conversation!

"The good news is that it doesn't have to be permanent. Marcus, you lost a lot of energy and it's possible that your body hasn't enough left to function properly. We’ll have to wait and see what happens," Stephen said in a depressed tone. Then he turned and locked eyes with Susan.

She knew what he was about to ask her. "Really Stephen, I feel 100 %. Don't worry about me! "

But Stephen was determined to subject her to a battery of tests. "Marcus,” he said, addressing his other patient,“try to rest. It looks like you’re going to drive me nuts a little longer." Stephen tried to smile, but failed when a tear rolled down Susan’s face.

"Your wish... is my command...“ Marcus whispered, attempting a smile, but it turned out to be a grimace. As he closed his eyes contentment flowed through his mind. Susan was back in her own body. He had achieved his goal.

 

Susan was mad, dangerously mad. Stephen had run all the tests in the book on her and only then had he agreed to sign her release forms. After that they walked to his office for some caff, which they badly needed.

But as they arrived they found John and Delenn waiting. Hell, all she wanted to do was to go back to Marcus and sit with him! She was getting impatient.

"Susan, I’m so happy you’re alive." John hugged her briefly.

Susan didn't expect that expression of affection and turned to Delenn for help. John was holding her too tightly. It was getting hard to breathe.

"John, you are going to suffocate her if you keep this up," Delenn said amused.

Stephen smiled at John’s display of affection. Love and support was what Susan needed and pleased he sat down. It had been a long day and it wasn't over yet.

John released her, while a dirty little smile played on his face. "Sorry, Susan."

"That's okay, John. It's nice to know that you finally realized that you can't run the station without me." She intended it as a joke, but the effort was lost on John.

"The station? Is that all you can think about? You practically died on us!"

"Calm down, John, I was only pulling your leg," Susan said quickly, surprised at his tone.

"Susan, welcome back."

Delenn’s soft voice made her choke up and she realized she had been fighting her tears since they had discovered that Marcus was blind. Suddenly she realized John and Delenn really cared for her. She needed to change the subject before she would lose the battle to hold back her tears. "I’m fine, really. It’s Marcus we should worry about!"

John raised an inquisitive eyebrow and turned to Stephen. "Why? Did something go wrong?"

"Not exactly,” Stephen searched for the right words to explain this to the couple. “But Marcus is blind. I don't know if it’s only temporary, I do hope so but only time will tell."

Delenn took John’s hand for comfort and whispered, "Blind? Marcus is blind?"

"Yes," Stephen confirmed.

Silence descended on to the office, as they were afraid to speak.

In the end it was Susan who broke the silence. This was a waste of time, Marcus needed her, now. "John, can I take my remaining leave? I want to stay with Marcus as long as he needs me. I can't let him down now."

"No problem. Corwin needs to grow into his work anyway. And C&C is much more quiet and comfortable without you screaming orders," John said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks!" Susan knew he wasn't serious and appreciated his concern. ”Are we finished here?" She was already on her feet, ready to leave.

"You’re in a hurry, Commander!" John chuckled. He had been waiting for Susan to shout at him to give her permission to leave the office. It surprised him that she was fighting down her temper. "Okay, run off to Marcus. You’re excused."

That was all Susan needed to hear. She was gone the moment John blinked his eyes. "There goes a woman in denial,” John exclaimed. ”She’s in love with him, but too afraid to admit it!"

"I don't know about that, John. I think she will surprise us all, herself included. And with some help from her friends..." Delenn whispered in an odd tone.

John turned to his love and knew she was up to something.

"Tell me, John. How does one organize a romantic dinner for two?"

 

Susan settled down in the chair next to Marcus’ bed. He was fast asleep and she watched him for some time. Never before had she noticed how innocent and fragile he looked asleep. He had always been the cocky, annoying ranger. “You hide behind your mask like I did,” she realized. “It will be hard on you to let down your guard.”

Tenderly she stroked back the soft, dark hair that had fallen over his face. Marcus didn't wake. Suddenly she remembered the chocolates lying underneath the bed. As she sat on her heels she discovered two items stored there, the box of chocolates and a sketchbook.

Did he draw? She hadn’t known that, but then she knew so little about him! After choosing one of the chocolates she let it melt on her tongue. Chocolate was her second addiction, next to real coffee, but even harder to get.

She placed the box on the floor and looked through the sketchbook. Unexpectedly she stared at a drawing of herself. Her eyes were alive and a kind smile brightened her face. Marcus was a talented artist.

After putting the sketchbook back where she had found it Susan continued to study his face. She'd never before taken the time to do so. His face was kind and relaxed in sleep. The blanket, which covered his body, had slipped half on to the floor and she tucked him, making sure he was warm. Marcus was still wearing his ranger uniform. Stephen wanted to disturb him as little as possible and had refrained from putting him in a med gown.

Marcus moved about in his sleep, mumbling something she didn't understand because it was in Minbari. He turned to lie on his left side and once again she pushed back his hair to look at him. She loved being near him, even if he was asleep. His long, slender fingers called out for her touch and she couldn't resist curling hers around them.

Absentmindedly she wondered how such delicate hands could do so much damage, wielding a Minbari fighting pike. She pressed a soft kiss on the palm of his hand.

A slight shudder coursed through his frame and she barely resisted the urge to drop his hand on to the bed, telling herself she had to lower her walls. Marcus would never take the initiative. "Are you awake, Marcus?"

A soft moan fled his lips as he opened his eyes. He had been awake for a few minutes, but had been afraid to breathe too deeply as he didn’t want to give himself away. Her kiss had surprised the hell out of him and he wondered why she had done that in the first place. Briefly he expected to see her face, but only darkness surrounded him. He had forgotten about his blindness.

"I’m awake," he whispered uncomfortably. Usually he would babble to cover his unease, but this time he was lost for words. Her warm and gentle touch was something he would cherish for the rest of his life. ”Can you ever forgive me?” he asked apprehensively. Her forgiveness would mean a lot to his hurting soul.

"Forgive you? What for?" Susan watched his face and realized that he had no idea that his emotions were evident on his face, the pain, the hurt... his love.

"For putting you through this. I never expected to screw up on the calculations. I’m sorry you ended up in my body," he said apologetically. Had he blown his chance with her?

Susan continued to caress his hand, wanting him to know she cared. "Marcus, there’s nothing to forgive. You saved my life. I never thought someone would go to such extremes for me. I hated being in your body at first, but I discovered a lot about you during these last days. I should thank you instead."

Marcus tensed up all of a sudden. "What... did you discover?" Fear grabbed him. What had she learned? There wasn't that much to know about him, except for all the disasters he had caused. He closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure. Now that he was blind he felt vulnerable.

"After I woke I visited Benny," she said, curious for his reaction. As her words hit target she smiled.

"Benny? Was he having his fever again?"

"Yes, but I made sure they could buy the medicine they need. I never realized you cared that much for the people in Down Below," Susan said, realizing his concern for Benny was real.

"Someone has to," he whispered, relieved Benny was all right. He really liked the kid.

"I also discovered that a lot of people care about you," she said, drawing him out of his shell.

Now Marcus was intrigued, he didn’t have any real friends. Hesitantly he squeezed her hand in return and closed his eyes to focus on her breathing.

"Delenn made me attend a meditation session. I wasn't the only one to fall asleep. I almost assaulted a Minbari who wanted to hit me with his rod," Susan chuckled when she remembered the incident.

Marcus’ smile brightened and her knees went weak. It was a good thing she was sitting down. She had never before noticed his smile.

"I fell asleep all the time during meditation,” Marcus admitted shyly. ”Got hit twice on my hands when I refused to wake up once. Hurts like hell."

Susan noted his tired tone. Before she could allow him to go back to sleep she had to address another issue. "Promise me something?" she asked and rubbed his thumb.

Her voice sounded distorted as he struggled to stay awake and his thoughts slipped back to that first time when he had shown them the White Star. "I have to warn you. I keep my promises," he whispered, falling asleep.

"That’s what I’m counting on." Her other hand now caressed the lines of suffering on his brow and he relaxed under her touch. "Promise me you’ll never try taking your life to save mine. I don't want you to die."

"I promise..." Marcus mumbled, but had no idea what he had promised her, as he was too tired to register her words. Her hands caressed his skin and that fact made him feel special and loved. Sleep easily claimed him as he lost himself in dreams featuring Susan.

 

"Commander, can I have a word with you?"

Susan looked up at Lennier, who patiently waited for her at the door. Susan stretched her body and checked on Marcus to make sure that he was still asleep. Then she got up and joined Lennier. "How can I help you, Lennier?" Lennier seemed a bit nervous, something that struck her as strange for a Minbari.

"Delenn asked me to prepare a meal for Marcus and you. She wants this to be a romantic dinner. I do not know what dish to prepare and need your advice. I am afraid Marcus won't be able to use the utensils."

"Delenn is quite a matchmaker, isn't she?" Susan said in an amused tone.

Lennier looked at the Commander, not fully understanding her remark.

Susan laughed. She should have known Delenn would want to impose her will on them. Apparently there was no way out of this. A romantic dinner it was. "I think pizza would be a good choice. You’re allowed to eat it with your hands."

"Pizza?" Lennier exclaimed almost horrified as he had never heard of it. "I better get started then. These human dishes are usually very complicated." Lennier bowed and walked away from her, softly muttering to himself.

But Susan quickly rushed towards him. "Lennier, one more thing. Could you arrange for wine and roses?"

Lennier smiled. "Delenn will be pleased to hear that you did not object in this matter. I will bring the things you asked for."

Lennier bowed again and Susan returned the gesture, wondering whether she should look forward to this dinner or dread it. 

 

Stephen stepped out of his office after having rested for a few hours. The moment he noticed Susan he asked, “How are you? I’m still amazed at your speedy recovery." He left out the fact that her eyes were alive and aflame.

"I’m fine, Stephen. Did you know that Delenn ordered Lennier to arrange a romantic dinner tonight?"

"For you and Marcus?"

"Yes. I really want to pamper him. Something tells me he needs that."

Stephen agreed. He had seen the ranger quite often after he had returned from a mission. Every time Marcus had been tired and sometimes Lennier had had to accompany him to Medlab because he had been injured during a mission. Marcus needed someone to take care of him as the ranger tended to neglect his own needs too often. "Did you already tell him you love him?"

The remark stunned Susan . "How..."

"You can't fool me,” Stephen said with a sly grin on his face. “Do you know Marcus is struggling with the same thing? But I didn't expect you to be this shy about it. "

"He almost died for me, Stephen. I’m angry with myself that I ignored his feelings for so long. I knew he had a crush on me and still I allowed him to suffer. I feel guilty," she confessed awkwardly.

"Tell him, Susan. I once told Marcus that he wasn't your type but I was wrong about that. Tell him.”

 

Footsteps part 7

 

Susan watched Lennier run around in sheer panic and chuckled to herself in amusement. It was the first time she had witnessed a panicking Minbari. She had just returned from her quarters where she had spent time showering and changing into a black dress. After brushing her hair she’d resisted the instinct to braid it. Although Marcus couldn't see her she wanted to look and feel attractive, after all she had a date tonight.

She stopped walking as she reached Marcus’ room. The ranger was sitting up in bed with a sad expression on his face. His head rested on the pillows as he stared at the ceiling with useless eyes. There was something undeniably sad in the way he sat there and Susan decided he needed cheering up.

"Hello, Marcus, feeling better?" she whispered softly. His response surprised her. His head immediately turned towards her and he trembled. The sad expression changed into a big smile the moment he heard her voice and he came alive again.

"Susan? You’re back?"

The words revealed the truth to her. It was obvious he hadn’t expected her return. Marcus had assumed she had gone back on duty and resumed her normal life.

Saddened Susan realized that during the time she had known Marcus, she had never shown any concern or interest in him. She had even acted calm and composed when she had visited him in Medlab after that bastard Neroon had almost beaten him death,

"Yes, I’m back. Why are you surprised?" Susan walked to his bed. He tilted his head to listen to her footsteps. This was so unfair. Why was he blind? He had only tried to help her! Hopefully Stephen was right and this condition was only temporary.

" I don't know... but I’m glad you decided to visit. " Marcus smelled the perfume and couldn't remember her ever using it before. Her presence soothed him and he relaxed. Maybe she cared for him after all, but he was scared to give in to hope. What if Susan was only here because she felt thankful or guilty?

"Visit?” Susan was amused. Apparently neither Lennier nor Stephen had told him about their dinner appointment. That was certainly wicked of them! Marcus’ confused look revealed how lonely and betrayed he felt. She didn’t want him to feel like that.

" Sorry,” Marcus whispered embarrassed for making such a mistake, ”I... assumed you were here to see me...stupid of me!" Marcus mentally kicked himself. Why would she come down to Medlab just to see him? Probably she had business to discuss with Stephen. Hurt, he closed his eyes and wished she would go away.

"Has Stephen been feeding you his food plans?" Susan whispered, desperate to change the subject. She had hurt him, which had never been her intention but she felt awkward and even shy in his presence now that she had decided to give him this chance.

Marcus gathered his senses and hid behind his walls, determined to keep her out. “No, Stephen didn’t use his chance to get any payback. He gave me pills and an injection. I did get some tea, though," Marcus replied in a controlled tone.

Lennier signaled to Susan that everything was set for dinner and she resolved to make things up to Marcus. This was also her second chance and she was going to use it! "Marcus, have you tried walking yet?"

Marcus smiled hesitantly. "Don' t tell Stephen but yes, I did. Stumbled over a chair… the floor didn’t provide a soft landing,” he whispered like there was a conspiracy going on and Stephen was the ringleader.

"I’ll help you then," Susan offered and gently placed a hand on his left arm.

Baffled, Marcus asked, "Why? Are we going somewhere? The good doctor won't like that, you know."

He was avoiding the real issue and she couldn’t blame him. She still hadn’t opened up to him. But first she had to focus on getting him in to the other room and Marcus needed help getting there. Taking that fall earlier must have been painful. "We’re going to have dinner together. Lennier prepared pizza," she informed him in a soft tone.

Marcus tried to figure out what was going on. Dinner? With Susan? He was bloody nervous as she closed her other hand around his to pull him to his feet. A vague memory returned to him. Had she also been holding his hand hours ago or had he imaged it?

He hesitantly accepted her support and attempted to hide the effort it took him to get to his feet as he hardly had the strength to walk. Instinctively she positioned an arm around his waist and again he tensed, feeling her body next to his. 

Susan shook her head, angry with herself. She had almost thrown away his love because she had been afraid to get hurt again.

Marcus was dizzy but wasn't sure what was causing the sensation. His head or her closeness? His fingers told him she was out of uniform. Why was she doing this?

The door opened and Lennier cleared his throat. " Commander, Marcus, please sit down."

Marcus hated being this helpless, as he needed Susan’s support in sitting down. Did he really smell roses? He had gone in to shock by now. Why was Susan doing this? That was one question he desperately needed answered! She had mentioned pizza earlier and he realized it had been a long time since he had eaten Italian food.

"I will be in Doctor Franklin’s office should you require my services." Lennier smiled as he closed the door.

Marcus still hadn't recovered from his bewilderment. If only he could see the expression on Susan’s face! Lost, he waited for her to start talking.

"Lennier already cut it into slices," she informed him and her heart stung as he tried to locate his plate with his hands. "Would you like some wine? I asked Stephen if you could have some and he didn't object. Which would you prefer; red or white?"

Marcus' hands located the plate and he realized that the pizza was still very hot. Her question put him in an awkward position and he decided to be honest. "I don't know, I've never had any of it."

"Try red," Susan decided and filled his glass. Then she took his right hand to show him where it was. The moment she touched him, passion sliced through her. Until now she hadn’t realized how badly she wanted to feel his skin on hers.

"You’re not planning on getting me drunk, are you? Garibaldi tried that once, but failed miserably," Marcus said wearily. Susan’s behavior confused him greatly.

"No, Marcus, just try to relax. It’s too bad you can't see the trouble Lennier went through to make this dinner special. He even got us candles and roses," Susan replied and quickly wiped away the one tear that had surfaced in her eye. Life was so unfair! Why was Marcus being punished for saving her life? Why did he have to be blind?

"I thought I smelled roses…" Marcus whispered and then grew quiet. Was it only his overly active imagination or was this a date? He had wanted to invite her to dinner so many times, but something had always come up.

"You’re quiet, Marcus. Is something wrong? You can tell me, you know,” Susan offered, wondering how to tell him how badly she wanted this relationship.

Marcus suddenly lost his composure and emptied his glass in one go. This was the moment he had been waiting for and he should tell her now... why couldn't he? Why did he feel scared? Was it because she would probably reject him?

"I’m tired, " he said eventually, chickening out again. It wasn't a lie, as he felt really exhausted. In silence he ate some pizza, hoping it didn't end up all over his face. He wasn't sure what this was all about so he stayed quiet.

Susan was getting frustrated. This was going all wrong. Perhaps this was one big mistake and Marcus was no longer interested in her. The couch in the back of the room attracted her attention. It had been moved out of the way to create more space for the dinner table and chairs.

Determined to do something about his discomfort Susan said, "Marcus, I’d really like to move over to the couch. That is, if you’ve finished dinner."

Marcus nodded his agreement. He wasn't hungry at all and his stomach was already protesting against the little food he had eaten. As he tried to get to his feet he realized he had no idea where the sofa was located.

Again, Susan came to his side to support him and once again he accepted her offer. Feeling her body so close to his made him breathless. If only he could wrap his arms around her and hold her forever. Slowly he lowered himself on to the couch and Susan sat down next to him.

"What’s going on in that head of yours, Marcus? Something is troubling you," Susan started, resolved to get all misunderstandings out of the way.

Her closeness distracted him as he was trying to work up the courage to tell her. Her arm still rested on his hipbone and he forced himself to calm down. His head was spinning with all the possible explanations for her strange behavior. Was this dinner really a date? Susan had never been this friendly to him. "Are you asking me to babble? Usually you order me to shut up," he said teasingly, trying to cover up his nervousness.

"Not to babble, Marcus,” Susan corrected in a tender tone. “We need to discuss what is happening between us."

Marcus' alarms kicked in, hearing those words. Us? He'd never realized something =was= going on between them! What the hell was she talking about?

Susan noticed the panic building inside him and she marveled about his shyness. Not liking that particular expression on his face she decided to act on her feelings. Her heart urged her to kiss him now, words could follow later. No longer fighting the desire inside her she leaned in closer to kiss his sensual lips. But his sudden violent trembling took her aback. “Marcus?" she whispered concerned and tightened the hold she had on his frame.

"I’m dizzy, my head… it’s spinning…" Marcus mumbled lost.

Susan could tell from his facial expression that he was sincere and quickly called Stephen to the room. Helplessly she watched Marcus cringe in pain and all she could do was hold him. 

Bollocks, the entire room was spinning and his eyes hurt like hell. It felt like someone was twisting a needle into his eyes. This couldn't be good and he held on to Susan for support. As pain took over he forgot about their conversation. 

Susan hated being so helpless. He was in obvious pain and there was nothing she could do to remedy it. The moment Stephen entered the room she looked up at him for help. "Stephen, help him!" Luckily they were still in Medlab.

Stephen scanned his friend’s brain and tried to comfort Susan at the same time. "All right, let’s have a look at that thick skull of yours, Marcus. I see…” Stephen remarked as the test results appeared on the display. ”I thought it would be something like this."

"Like what, Stephen? Don't do this to me, tell me," Susan exclaimed as Marcus seemed incapable of speech. His body pressed against hers and spasms of pain racked his upper body.

As the pain diminished Marcus calmed down, but he cautiously kept his eyes closed. Now that the panic was gone he silently waited for Stephen to answer Susan’s question and he cherished her concern. Maybe she cared for him after all.

" Marcus, open your eyes. Come on, just do it," Stephen said, coaxing his patient into complying.

Reluctantly Marcus obeyed. Flashes of bright lights swirled in front of him, rewarding his effort to focus his eyes. But there weren’t any colors.

"Something has changed, right?" Stephen finished the examination, certain that Marcus was regaining his eyesight little by little.

"Yes, I see lights,” Marcus revealed in a shaky tone and noticed that Susan was still holding him tightly. He needed her support badly and was grateful that she was here to help him through this ordeal.

Marcus couldn't see the single tear that fought a way down her cheek, but Stephen did. He nodded to her, assuring her everything would be all right in the end.

Susan was still scared to hope that Marcus was regaining his eyesight. After mentally whispering a silent prayer she buried his head underneath her chin, realizing Marcus had fallen asleep due to exhaustion. 

Lennier silently approached them, not sure if his company was appreciated. "We'd better move him back to his room where he can sleep peacefully. I take it the dinner did not go well?" Lennier noted the food had hardly been touched.

"I’m sorry, Lennier,” Susan said apologetically as she listened to Marcus’ regular breathing. ”The pizza and wine were delicious though. But I think we had other things on our mind." Susan felt guilty as Lennier had spent so much time preparing this dinner.

"Don't worry, Susan. I’m hungry." Before anyone could object Stephen grabbed the plate and took the pizza with him trusting Lennier and Susan to get Marcus back to his room and giving them a chance at some privacy.

"Allow me." Lennier lifted the ranger without effort from the couch.

Surprised, Susan looked up. Apparently the Minbari was a lot stronger than he looked. But then again Minbari were a lot stronger in general.

“This is becoming a habit," Lennier said and smiled. Catching Susan’s questioning look he explained, "When Alyt Neroon threatened to stop Delenn from becoming Entil Zha, Marcus confronted him. After the fight I found him in a dark corridor and he was in a bad way. It was I who carried him to Medlab that day."

"I always wondered about that,” Susan replied. “How did he manage to locate Neroon? I heard the warrior was hiding in Down Below." She remembered John asking her if there were any problems during the ceremony and she hadn’t known that Marcus was fighting for his life in Down Below. This was her station and she prided herself on knowing everything that happened on Babylon 5!

Lennier searched for a way out, as he didn’t want to answer that question. He stalled while placing Marcus on the bed, covering him with a blanket. "To be honest… I told him. I asked Marcus to stop Neroon. A Minbari confronting Neroon, possibly killing him, would have caused a civil war between the casts on Minbar."

Susan quietly digested the information. Marcus had known the stakes as he had fought Neroon.

"But I have to point out that I never asked Marcus to challenge Alyt Neroon to Denn’Sha. Even Marcus must have known that he could never defeat a Minbari warrior."

Susan imagined Marcus lying in that dark, cold rat-hole and shuddered. He had almost died defending Delenn!

"Is there anything else I can do?" Lennier offered and waited patiently for her reply.

"No, Lennier. Please thank Delenn for organizing this wonderful dinner. It’s a shame it ended like this," she said apologetically. She also regretted not telling Marcus about her feelings for him.

Lennier bowed and went to clean up the remnants of dinner.

Softly, careful not to wake Marcus, Susan pulled up a chair and sat down next to him. After reaching for his hand she cradled it in hers.

 

Marcus was dreaming. He was back on Arisia, or what remained of it after the Shadows had attacked. The colony had been destroyed and the surface scorched. Debris from the former platforms orbited the colony. A gentle breeze swirled sand up in the air and he wondered what he was doing here.

He had been here before in his nightmares but it had never been this peaceful. In his nightmares he watched the attack, relived the deaths of his friends and brother. This time, it was different. Marcus noticed that he had regained his eyesight while dreaming. It was probably his subconscious providing him with the images and he welcomed the change after the darkness he had been confined to all day. But why was he here?

“Damn, Marcus! It took you a long time to drop by. It’s quite boring here, you know."

Marcus spun around, immediately recognizing that voice. "Willie?" Shocked, he stared at his brother’s form as it solidified. He wanted to reach out for him, but then stopped in his tracks. Willie always dissolved in his dreams before he could touch him.

William smiled wickedly. "So, you've finally accepted your destiny?"

"Destiny? What are you talking about? And what the hell is going on?" Marcus sensed solid ground under his feet. Warm sunbeams engulfed him, but at the same time he could smell burnt air.

"You always caught on slowly, Marcus. Haven't you figured it out yet?" William said amused and moved a little closer. His form was still translucent.

"Stop talking in riddles!" Marcus demanded and realized his constructed walls were crashing down, he couldn't keep up the pretence in the presence of his brother.

"Sinclair wanted you to join the rangers, Marcus because you had to play your role in this galactic war. I accepted the sacrifice I had to make. My death pushed you over the edge and you joined them. You achieved things I never could have. You saved the rangers on Zagros 7, helped Ivanova to convince the First Ones… by the way, where did you get that stupid idea to put a bucket on your head and to pretend to be... Booji... Just tell me, where would you have found a bucket on a White Star?" Willie quipped and his grin turned mischievous.

Marcus had forgotten how irritating William could be. "Shut up, Willie. "

"Hey, that hurts. I’m here to say my good-byes and you tell me to shut up? It's a pity that you won't be able tell Delenn 'to shut up’ when she informs you that she has chosen you as her successor." William watched his brother’s face and couldn't help chuckling.

For so long he had hoped Marcus would find the strength to forgive himself. It was a shame he had had to die to convince Marcus to join the rangers. When Sinclair had first told him of the future, William had burst out laughing. That annoying brother of his was destined to become Ranger One? But Sinclair had been quite convincing.

Marcus gave up. Nothing made sense anymore. Willie was raving and he decided that this dream was the weirdest one he’d ever had.

" Oh, I forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you about your promotion... I always had problems keeping secrets." William walked over to his brother and smiled kindly.

Marcus could only stare into his brown eyes. He had missed William so much!

"Forgiveness comes from the heart, Marcus and your heart is alive again. There’s no more room left for the pain and the guilt. Someone else will fill that space." William took Marcus’ hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Actually feeling William’s hand in his baffled Marcus and he swallowed hard.

"You shouldn’t let her wait. She has one hell of a temper!" William chuckled and his form faded away.

Marcus' senses remained paralyzed until someone called out his name. It was Susan calling him.

 

Marcus was talking in his sleep and that worried her. His whispered words were barely audible but he sounded distressed. She decided it would be best to wake him, as she understood about nightmares herself, knowing how scary they could be. “Marcus, wake up," she said determined.

His green eyes opened and there was still a remnant of wonder in them.

"I’m okay, Susan. I had the craziest dream though." His eyesight was still bad and he couldn't see that much, only a light coming from the ceiling, the rest was wrapped in darkness. As he listened to his own voice, he realized it was rough with bafflement.

"Can you tell me about it?" Susan realized she was asking him something very personal. If he decided to let her in she could help him but she didn’t want to batter down his walls with force. He needed help in dealing with the pain and guilt he carried, and she felt strong enough to face it.

"I saw my brother, William..."

Susan remembered Delenn’s words and her concern for Marcus. Unexpectedly she was back on the White Star and listening to Marcus as he told her why he had joined the rangers in the first place. Back then she had been upset after he’d opened up to her.

The attraction between them had been there right from the start and they had wasted all this time hiding behind their walls. She didn't interrupt him when he continued to tell her about his dream. He had to get this out of his system.

"If you think I’m a pain in the arse, be very glad you never met Willie. He was even more annoying than me."

Susan answered his smile and wished he could see it.

"He told me that..." Marcus paused, suddenly realizing what he was about to

reveal to her. Only Jeffrey Sinclair and Delenn knew he blamed himself for the attack, for letting William and the others down. Delenn had confronted him once with his feelings and he had run away in panic.

"You can tell me, Marcus. I won't betray your trust."

Marcus swallowed hard. She was reading him like an open book. "I always blamed myself for his death... In my dream Willie told me he had been waiting for me to forgive myself for being alive so he could say his good-byes to me."

Susan caressed his face, caught up in the moment. As she realized what she was doing she didn’t stop and continued touching his face. Marcus didn't seem to notice her touch at all as he was too lost in his memories.

"He also told me..." Marcus whispered hesitantly.

" Yes?"

"This is too silly. Willie must have been pulling my leg... he said I would be

Ranger One some day." Marcus tried to cover up his embarrassment by joking about it.

However Susan thought it over in all seriousness. There could be some truth in it. She had always wondered why Delenn kept such a close eye on Marcus, he always got his orders directly from her and everyone knew she trusted him completely. Susan decided to keep her thoughts to herself. Only time would tell.

For now her priority was getting them out of Medlab. This environment was getting to her. If she already felt cornered, she couldn't imagine how Marcus must feel, being at Stephen’s mercy.

When would Stephen release him from Medlab? He seemed to have recovered nicely from that dizzy spell and she was getting protective and possessive as far as Marcus was concerned. She yearned to be alone with him! But then again, Marcus could end up having another one of those attacks. Her need for freedom won. "Marcus, want to sneak out of here?" she suggested and stroked back some dark locks.

He sucked in his breath as her fingers tangled in his hair. "Now, Susan, I didn't expect such a suggestion from you. Since when does Commander Ivanova 'sneak' out of Medlab? Just keep in mind what Stephen would say!"

Susan, who was enjoying the verbal fight, cut him short. His reaction to her touch had been apparent and seeing him confused pleased her. "No Commander Ivanova here, only Susan and she’s feeling naughty."

"Naughty?" The word caught him off guard. The way she’d said it warmed his heart. He desperately wanted to get to know her. 

Her hands pulled him to his feet and he let her. Although he would never admit it openly he liked the way she fussed over him. No one had ever done that before.

Relieved he discovered that he was no longer dizzy. He even seemed to have gained more strength. "Where do you want to go?" he asked wearily as he had no idea what she was up to.

Susan thought it over. " The gardens," she decided. It was the best place to have an intimate conversation. No one would search for them there.

"The gardens?" he whispered surprised. Why choose there?

"Marcus, stop repeating my words." Susan smiled delightedly and wondered if he’d ever been to the gardens before. He usually spent his time in Down Below.

"Never been there, actually," he whispered absentmindedly.

"Let’s go," she urged him. They needed to address their relationship, but she didn’t want to do that in Medlab where Stephen could walk in on them.

"Shouldn't we tell Stephen first?" Marcus felt a bit guilty for leaving Medlab like this. Stephen would probably call security to locate them and he didn’t want the doctor to worry unnecessarily.

"I’ll leave him a note and I still have my link; is that good enough for you?" Susan inquired in a mischievous tone.

"It’ll have to be," he replied teasingly. Susan would do whatever she wanted, whether he agreed to it or not, so he'd be better off just going along with her plan. Besides, he was really curious to find out =how= naughty Susan felt.

 

Footsteps part 8

 

Marcus was definitely having second thoughts about joining Susan on this trip to the gardens. His eyesight bothered him more than he wanted her to know. What if someone attacked them and he couldn’t defend her? His pike was in place, but using it was a different matter. It scared him that he had to depend on Susan to guide him through the bowels of the station. Suddenly he smelled a variety of fruity fragrances. They’d probably reached their destination.

"Let’s find a spot to sit down," Susan said, while searching the place with her eyes. There weren't that many people here at the moment. Her eyes spied a secluded spot, perfect for a private conversation.

She considered the man at her side who had been smiling all the way. He seemed too cheerful and she realized he was pulling up his walls. But she was determined to break them down once and for all. He had already torn down hers, even if he didn't know that yet. She hadn't trusted someone like this for years. Deep down she knew he would never hurt her. It would probably be the other way around, she would up ending up hurting him.

"Are there any benches here?” Marcus asked fatigued. “I’m getting a tad tired." His strength diminishing the longer they walked.

"We’re almost there," she assured him and looked at the big oak tree. Gently she helped him to sit down with his back towards it so he could rest his body against it. His fingers gingerly explored the grass and the flowers. The gesture made her smile as she took her place next to him. "Are you still tired?"

"Yes," he replied honestly, knowing his expression was giving him away.

"Why don't you lie down then?” Susan suggested, craving to feel him close. “It would be a lot more comfortable." Marcus was clearly pondering her words as his hesitance was clearly written all over his face. Impatiently, Susan acted and pulled him down, until his head rested in her lap.

"Woman, what are you up to?" Marcus exclaimed as he was forced to lie down. Although he tried to resist her, he still lacked power.

"Always remember, Marcus, I’m in charge." She laughed when he had to give in. This felt good. This felt right and while gently stroking his hair she studied his lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss them.

Marcus however, was wondering what the hell was going on. Ever since dinner she had been acting strangely. She had stayed with him the entire time, and had even listened to him rave about his dreams. 

Too tired to unravel this mystery he surrendered to her touch, which he had longed for so long. Surprised, he allowed her to cradle his head in her arms, her touch soft as a feather.

Only now he realized he’d underestimated the amount of energy he had used to get to the gardens and was quickly falling asleep again. Maybe this was a good time to ask Susan to share her real coffee with him. Tea wouldn't be much of a help this time.

Contentedly Susan watched him fall asleep and was well aware that he needed rest. Rolling a lock of his hair between her fingers she continued to study him. But temptation reared its head and slowly, loving every second of it, she brushed her lips against his. Her body reacted immediately and desire flashed aflame inside her, demanding satisfaction. Delighted she registered his helpless moan, but smiled, as he didn’t wake up.

She didn't mind as it gave her the perfect opportunity to continue kissing him. Sensually she traced the insides of his lips with her tongue and loved his taste. Her body had been screaming for this ever since he’d arrived at Babylon 5. The sweet agony worsened as he slowly responded to her kiss, very hesitant and extremely insecure.

"Susan, what..." he whispered the moment her lips released his. He had been dozing, not really asleep yet and had cherished her warmth, her closeness, never expecting her to take the initiative.

She silenced him by claiming his lips again, gently forcing his mouth open. Teasingly she coaxed his tongue in to meeting hers in a passionate encounter. The next time she wanted him to shut up, she would do it this way. But first she had to speak words she had avoided too long "Marcus?"

"Yes?" he moaned breathlessly as his unseeing eyes grew big questioningly.

Pleased she smiled as his face turned flustered very quickly. "Remember the time you made me that chart to show me where you fit in? "

Marcus nodded embarrassed. That chart had been his way of telling her she meant the world to him. Too shocked by her actions he feared that answering her aloud would give away his emotions. His trembling voice would certainly betray his passion.

His reaction made her smile. "You made me laugh... I should have known why you put me at the center of everything… to be honest, if it hadn't been for that ISN- broadcast, I might have kissed you. I’m furious with myself that it took me so long to figure it out." 

In the end, speaking those 4 four words were harder than she expected. "I love you, Marcus,” she stated convinced and smothered his answer in another passionate kiss, knowing his answer only too well.

Marcus was experiencing sensory overload. Her lips were burning his and he tensed as her hands slipped beneath his shirt. A sigh escaped his lips as her fingertips explored his naked skin, caressing his shoulders and chest. He wanted to stop her and to reveal his love for her as well, when suddenly a man’s voice interrupted them.

Susan blamed herself for not having seen them approach earlier and she almost jumped to attention, hearing John Sheridan’s voice and Delenn’s giggling.

"Marcus, you’re feeling better I assume?" John commentated cheerfully.

Delenn was quite amused to find the two of them together. Marcus was desperately trying to hide the fact that his tunic was undone and she shot Susan an amused glance. She had hoped they would confess their feelings for each other. Hearing John laugh she berated him softly. They had come across the couple by

accident, searching for a lovely place to sit down themselves.

Marcus wished the floor would open and swallow him. Being caught in the middle of something this intimately with Susan was his worst nightmare. The fact that he couldn't see their expressions contributed to his agony. 

As he was still recovering from Susan’s passionate attack he found that his mind wasn't capable of producing sensible speech. His hormones had kicked in and seemed to have erased his ability to think clearly. This was hell!

Susan on the other hand, managed to blush gracefully. She berated herself for being this careless. Kissing Marcus had made her forget that they weren’t alone in the gardens. However, she didn't feel the need to conceal their attraction, knowing rumors had started the moment they had exited the core tube together.

Her mind was already figuring out a way to get even with Sheridan. Maybe she could change the temperature settings of his shower. Marcus suddenly tried to get up and she realized he felt confused and probably even embarrassed for being caught like this.

But she had other plans and forced him into lying down again. The Captain wasn’t going to spoil this magical moment. Marcus’ blush deepened, as he couldn't free himself from Susan’s hold. " We’re getting there, Captain," Susan replied eventually in a content tone.

John knew the look she was giving him. It meant serious trouble and he was resolved to get himself and Delenn out of this one alive. Stephen had brought him up to date minutes ago and had also informed him that Susan knew how to open Marcus' fighting pike. Hopefully she hadn't learned how to abuse it yet. She already knew too many ways to inflict bodily harm.

Shifting his glance he observed Marcus’ confused expression and couldn’t help being worried. The ranger would be out for several weeks, maybe even months and his eyesight was only returning slowly.

"John, I think we should be on our way." Delenn, always the diplomat, attempted to pull John in the direction they had been walking in. She had seen Marcus looking more than just uncomfortable and didn't want him to feel ashamed. Although Marcus tried to hide it, he did search for her approval and she wanted him to taste happiness and love. 

John finally gave in and waved one last time at Susan. "Will be see you guys later."

John was going to pay for this, Susan promised herself.

Marcus had never been more confused than right now. Everything had happened so bloody fast. The moment she’d kissed him had been during his sleep. That tender kiss had baffled him and he had wanted to gaze into her eyes to see the love in them, but when he’d opened his eyes he’d only seen one big grey shape in the middle of a black background. It had to be Susan, kissing him. He missed losing himself in her deep blue eyes.

When she’d first offered him her lips he’d experienced a kind of creeping paralysis. Then, hearing her say I love you, was more than he could take. Before he had been able to react, Sheridan and Delenn had made their appearances. If only he could look at Susan’s face!

Well, she was still holding him. That had to be a good sign. Perhaps she wasn't that mad at him after all. However, he didn’t like the way she had forced him to lay down again. Why had she done that? Suddenly he wanted to get out of here, as he needed to seriously talk to her. "Susan?" he said gingerly.

"Yes, Marcus?"

Marcus swallowed, her voice was sensual and seductive. "I... enjoyed the gardens long enough."

"You want to leave?"

Did he really hear disappointment in her voice?

"Surely because of the Captain and Delenn? I promise you, I’ll get back at him for that interruption!"

Relieved he noted that she wasn't angry with him and he would hate to be in the Captain’s shoes for that matter. Briefly he struggled to get into a sitting position and eventually Susan helped him, as she was no longer pushing him down. Susan’s words kept ringing in his mind, I love you. "Susan, do you mean it when you say you love me?" Marcus tried to focus on her, but his eyes refused to co-operate.

"Yes, I mean it."

Marcus was about to confess his love for her when the vertigo returned. Damn, its timing sucked! He tried to go with the flow, and to not fight it, but his eyes burned in their sockets as if acid had been dripped into them. The pain made him whimper his agony.

Susan responded quickly. She had seen the changed expression on his face and knew instinctively what had happened and this time Stephen wasn't around to help them. Tightly she folded her arms around his body. "Marcus?"

"I’ll... be all right... don't worry, love." That last word had been a slip of the tongue.

But Susan was delighted to hear him acknowledge his feelings. It was only a small word, but it revealed everything. "We should get you back to Medlab. Stephen needs to have a look at you."

Marcus hated that idea, but she had a valid point. "My quarters aren't that far away. I... would like to pick up some stuff before Stephen locks me up again," he pleaded softly. The waves of dizziness were diminishing in intensity and he managed to sit upright. He hated not knowing what was happening to his eyes.

Last time, his eyesight had improved, but what about this time? Hesitantly he opened his eyes and gasped for breath. Colors had been added to the lights. Something pink and brown was hovering over him. Was it Susan? "Are you wearing brown clothes?" he asked curiously.

"Yes." Susan instinctively realized his eyesight had improved. "You can see colors now?"

"Yes, but everything is still one big mess of colors and shapes."

Susan thanked whatever God was in charge for his returning eyesight. She hated the pain though he had to endure every time and remembered her promise to return him to Medlab after they’d visited the gardens.

Susan wasn't sure it was a good idea to visit his quarters first. Stephen should examine him ASAP to make sure no harm was done. He took her hand in his and this time it was Marcus who kissed her palm. Susan quavered, and as his lips brushed her skin a fire started deep inside her mind. If one kiss could make her feel like this, what other feelings would he awake in her?

"You win, Marcus. We’ll pick up your things, but then we’re going straight to Medlab. You still haven't recovered yet and you need to rest."

He allowed her to pull him to his feet and wondered who had changed the subject. He still wanted to tell her that he loved her and now... bloody hell!

She guided him to his quarters and ignored the curious looks they attracted from several crewmembers. Suddenly, Susan wondered if the word had gotten out that he had saved her by using the healing device. Now she realized how stupid her demand had been to keep everything silent. News traveled fast on the station and too many people already knew of his rescue attempt.

She monitored him closely and noticed that his eyes dropped shut every now and then from fatigue. Finally they reached his quarters and she punched in his access code. Marcus was getting weaker all the time and she made sure he quickly lay down on the bed.

Only now she saw the mess she had left behind. His clothes were all over the place and the pile of books had collapsed. Now that Marcus was soundly asleep she decided to place a call to Stephen. She searched her pockets for the hand communicator and was startled when she couldn’t find it. Maybe she’d left it behind in Medlab. No harm done, she could use the Babcom instead. While she was trying to establish a connection something else caught her attention.

Marcus had made several changes concerning the com system, probably by hacking the central computer. There were direct lines to several inhabitants of Babylon 5 and a direct route to contact Centauri Prime through secured channels. She also discovered a link to the ranger facility center on Minbar.

“What other changes did you make?” she wondering, aware that there might be a lot more connections, secured by passwords. ”Just be glad that neither Michael nor Zack know about this, Marcus,” she whispered and grinned.

Stephen immediately answered her call. It was obvious that he was worried and angry with them for leaving Medlab like that. "What did you think you were doing, Susan? He needs rest and medical supervision. You mentioned returning him back to Medlab within the hour!"

"Stephen, hear me out. We went to the gardens and he fell asleep. I didn't have the heart to wake him. We’re in his quarters now. He would never have made it back to Medlab." Susan felt guilty. Stephen would be mad at her but he had to know. "Marcus had another one of those dizzy spells."

"Dammit Susan, take him here as quickly as possible or I’m coming to get him!"

"He’s asleep again. Perhaps it would be best if you came over."

"Don't move him. I’m on my way."

Stephen cursed as she closed the channel. Retreating in to small kitchen unit she make tea.

 

Stephen made his way to Marcus' quarters in a hurry. He tried to be angry with Susan and Marcus but couldn't quite pull it of; too glad they had finally opened up to each other. As he pressed the door chime he hoped Marcus was doing all right.

The door chime woke Marcus. Years of training had made a light sleeper of him. Somebody got up and said, “Yes.” It was Susan’s voice.

"Susan."

He easily identified Stephen’s voice and sighed; even in his own quarters he wasn't safe, great!

"How is he doing?" Stephen inquired and uncovered a medical scanner.

"Hey, I’m awake you know!" Marcus growled and stretched lazily. Ever since that catnap he felt relaxed. A big shape, wearing white clothes, approached him. It had to be Stephen. The scanner started making irritating sounds and he sighed resigned, but was determined not to return to Medlab, no matter what.

Stephen was rather satisfied. The readings had stabilized since the last time he’d checked on Marcus. "I informed the Captain and Delenn that you’re off duty from the rangers for at least 3 weeks…” Stephen wanted to continue but Marcus yelled at him in frustration.

"What? Are you out of your bloody mind? You can't be serious... 3 weeks? Doing what? Doing nothing? I’ll never survive. You’ve got to reconsider, Stephen!"

Susan shot Stephen a wicked smile. She still had two more weeks of leave left and loved the idea of having Marcus to herself.

“Marcus, you won’t be much of a help to the rangers when you’re exhausted. You need rest. Your eyes are still healing. This isn’t up for discussion. I made my call and it stands."

Stephen and Susan were both laughing, much to Marcus’ dismay. He felt double-crossed now that they were teaming up against him.

"I’ve got two recommendations, Marcus. One, you definitely need a shower and secondly you should get a proper bed in here if you don't want to return to Medlab. Your quarters are in desperate need of a makeover. You could put up some pictures and plants would brighten it completely," Stephen remarked who had never before been in his friend’s quarters. The room depressed him.

Marcus' face lit up when he heard Stephen’s statement. "I don't have to return to Medlab?"

"You’ll look after him, Susan?"

"I would love to."

Marcus felt tricked. Although Stephen would be off his back Susan would be his baby-sitter instead.

Stephen handed her a vial of painkillers, just in case Marcus would need them. 

Marcus was relieved to see Stephen leave as he still had something very important to tell Susan. But he needed time to reveal his love for her. To break the silence he said, "Stephen has a point. I need to shower." Why was she this quiet?

Susan was experiencing a flash back and extremely glad that he couldn't see the fiery red blush burning her face, as she remembered the marvelous sight of his naked body in the mirror.

"Susan? Are you still with me?" Marcus grew a bit concerned.

"Yes... but wouldn't you rather like a real shower? These vibe showers are awful and the dirt doesn’t seem to come off."

Her answer didn't feel right and something was definitely eluding him. As a Staff member Susan had the luxury of a real shower, so why mention the vibe? Suddenly it hit him that she had spent a night in his quarters while she had been in his body. His quarters were equipped with a vibe-shower. Had she...?

Susan read his conclusion on his face. Her embarrassment grow bigger and bigger. Did she have to tell him the truth?

"I would like to take a 'real ' shower. Thank you, Susan." He was fighting hard to hide the smile, which was trying to break through. Susan Ivanova felt embarrassed and he wanted to torment her a little longer. This was payback for the way she had forced him to lie down in the gardens. Hopefully it wouldn't backfire on him! “I also need new clothes. These smell too much like Medlab!"

Susan knew how little clothes he had and was determined to get him a new outfit.

"There should be a spare uniform in the closet," Marcus remarked callously.

"Marcus? I’ve got to tell you something. When I had to attend that meditation session, Lennier advised me to... clean up. I hate vibe showers and that extra uniform... you’re wearing it." Susan watched him carefully. His facial expression was one of mischief, mixed in with his usual shyness. A strange combination.

Marcus was experiencing mixed emotions about this. He didn't mind her taking the shower or using the uniform. Her opinion concerning his body worried him however. "You saw me naked? I take it you didn't shower with your clothes on?"

Susan shifted in her chair. Damn, he was going to force her talk about it. "There was no other way..."

"I don't mind, Susan. I don't think there’s a reason for either one of us to be ashamed." Marcus couldn't help adding the next part. He knew it would embarrass him and infuriate her but for once his curiosity won from his shyness. " Did you like what you saw?"

Susan choked on her tea, as she never expected that question. One look at his face told her he felt embarrassed but hopeful. It was time to get everything in the open, she realized. "Yes, very much." Susan decided that two could play this game and was more than willing to take the first step. "I would like to see it again. Why don't we move this conversation over to my quarters? We could continue this conversation, while taking that shower."

Now it was his turn to look away. Heat was rising to his face. It had never occurred to him that she would take the bait. "You aren't suggesting we... take that shower together... are you?" and he was growing more hopeful with every passing moment. He had waited years for this moment. Suddenly movement caught his eyes. A brown shape slowly advanced on him. Desire and embarrassment raged inside him and he swallowed hard, wondering about her plans.

"I am," Susan whispered sensually and enjoyed his little panic as she sat down on his lap, straddling his hips.

Marcus sucked in his breath and sweat appeared on his brow.

“You should know by now that I love you. I need you, Marcus. I want you..."

Marcus experienced trouble breathing. That tone promised intimacy and hearing her words he wondered whether he wasn’t dreaming it all. She leaned in closer to kiss him and he responded with equal passion. " I love you too, Susan," he whispered in a rough tone.

"I know," Susan admitted and suddenly got back to her feet.

Marcus was totally surprised when she broke the intimacy so abruptly.

" Come, I want to see you naked, Marcus," Susan whispered and pulled him along. “We wasted too much time already. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

 

Footsteps NC-17 part 9

 

Nervous, Marcus forgot about resisting her as she pushed him into the bathroom.

"Get undressed," she instructed and after whispering those words, dashed out of the room, leaving him behind in tormented anticipation of what was to come.

How had this come about in the first place? Now he remembered, his big mouth...! But he felt relieved now that Susan had left him alone for the moment, as he needed to straighten out his thoughts. Desperately he tried to focus his eyes but in the end, he had to rely on his fingers to tell him where the shower cabin was.

Susan reappeared before he’d started to take off his clothes. Although he didn't know whether he could trust his eyes, he realized the brown color was definitely gone. The more he tried to focus on one particular object, the sharper its outline became. His mouth went dry as he realized that she no longer wearing any clothes.

"Still feeling shy, Marcus?”

“Yes,” he admitted. “I’ve never done this before, remember?” he said slightly embarrassed.

Susan’s eyes briefly widened and then she remembered his confession on the White Star. “It's true… you’re a virgin?”

"And I don't usually shower with beautiful women," he whispered the compliment.

Susan’s face became flushed. "You think I’m beautiful?"

"Why are you so surprised? I told you once before," Marcus whispered softly.

Susan searched her memory, but couldn't recall him ever saying that.

"Nusan fellani an alys medron."

She immediately recognized that phrase, but he’d told her it was some kind of greeting... "And that means... Marcus…" she didn't know what to say. This man had the irritating ability to stun her, the all knowing commander.

It was obvious that he was nervous as hell and she understood his insecurity. It wasn’t easy for him to do this, not because he was a virgin, but because he could hardly see a thing.

Well, it was time to take the first step and she wanted to see how far she could

go. She wanted to touch him and explore his body, the rest would follow later after he’d regained his eyesight.

Marcus was pretty much thinking the same thing. He liked the idea of taking a shower with her, but also realized he was far too tired to participate in any sexual activities and he wanted to see her when they made love for the first time. "Susan?"

"Yes, love?"

"I don't know how to put this... I really want to make you mine, in every sense of the word, but I want to wait until my eyes have recovered..." There, he had said it. Would she accept?

"I understand, Marcus, more than you know. But there’s no reason why we shouldn't start exploring our bodies, just a little.”

Marcus felt tense and relaxed at the same time now that the moment of truth had finally arrived.

" Let’s start with getting you out of your clothes. It's a pity you always wear that uniform and although you look extremely handsome in it, there are other ways to dress. Perhaps I should take you shopping in the Zocalo. You’re off duty for the time being and I really would like to see you out of that uniform for a change."

"I would say you’re working on it," Marcus whispered and heard her come closer. At least now he could distinguish between her face, hair and body. The two blue circles had to be her eyes.

Bugger, why couldn't he see properly? He’d waited so long for this to happen and now he couldn't see properly! Frustrated he craved seeing the rest of her. Her hands were all over his body and his tunic was dropped on to the floor. Slowly and teasingly she started to remove his shirt. He was shivering at this point, sensing her hands moving underneath the fabric.

"That turtleneck shirt has to go," she stated and moved closer, whispering the words into his ear.

Marcus tried his best to relax. He had to get over being shy, but that was who he was and he couldn't change that this quickly.

"Don' t worry, darling, I love that shyness."

That was exactly what he needed to hear and Marcus surrendered to her ministrations. Remaining passive she had to be the active one this time. At least, she could see what she was doing! 

As she pulled the shirt over his head her hand rested on his chest. A moment later hot water started to fill the room with a gentle warmth and Marcus quavered as her fingertips teased one of his nipples in to hardness.

Susan admired his lean body. Years of training had turned it into well-defined muscle. Tenderly she traced a scar positioned over his ribs. "How did you get this one?" she asked seductively.

"Neroon." Marcus surprised himself by actually being able to speak. Her fingers moved up and down his back, scratching his skin lightly and he moaned his pleasure.

Susan watched his reactions with amusement. She could do whatever she wanted to him and she liked that. Most men wanted to be in control, but Marcus was different. He wanted to please.

And she wanted him to feel pleasure. Bending down she removed his socks and boots. As she unzipped his pants Marcus sucked in his breath. Teasingly she coaxed him in to stepping out of his pants and underwear.

Standing naked in front of her was quickly causing him to panic. She’d said that she’d liked what she had seen, but had that been the truth? What did she want in a man and could he live up to her expectations?

Susan watched him tense up and also knew why. It was a perfectly normal reaction for a virgin, even if the virgin was a thirty-plus old ranger. "You’ve got a

marvelous body, Marcus. I love you just the way you are," she said reassuringly and led him into the shower.

Marcus obediently followed her. Those darn eyes, he wanted to see her!

"Stephen was right, you know. You look like hell," she said jokingly as she tried to make him relax. After grabbing hold of the shampoo bottle she started to wash his hair.

Her body pressed against his and her breasts caressed his chest. Marcus panted slightly as her long legs captured his. She had him cornered and he couldn't move as he was pinned against the wall

Susan enjoyed touching him and it fed her hunger. "When was the last time you took a 'real' shower?" she asked, hoping that some conversation would make him less tense. She waited, but he didn't answer her. "Marcus, are you okay?"

"Yes, but I feel a bit overwhelmed, I guess," he admitted as his fingers gingerly touched her back.

"That’s a normal reaction. Just let go. This is about emotion, Marcus, " Susan replied and shivered as his fingertips caressed her skin.

Marcus tentatively reached out for her and his arms slipped around her waist. He marveled at the way she melted in to the embrace. Her skin was extremely smooth due to the water and his fingers moved down to caress the small of her back.

He wasn’t afraid to touch her, but his diminished eyesight made him feel insecure. If only he could see what the hell he was doing! Frustrated he steadied his breathing. He'd never wanted it to be like this!

Susan knew what was going on in that head of his and wouldn't allow his temporary lack of sight to destroy what they had built in this short time. He had given her so much...

"Do you trust me?" she sighed the words into his ear and noticed his nipples growing hard and unyielding underneath her touch. Using her fingernails she teased him in to submission.

"Yes..."

His moan voiced complete surrender and she realized he was offering her unconditional love. She’d never thought he would be like this... and she loved him even more for this obvious trust. “Then close your eyes and trust me."

Susan now turned her attention to the back of his neck, kissing him, caressing the sensitive skin there. Pulling his body closer she stroked his firm buttocks and washboard abdomen.

"I’m flattered," she whispered as his arousal pressed against her body. She noticed that gooseflesh had appeared all over his body. He was quite a surprise to her and she loved his timid reactions.

Marcus was reluctant to close his eyes, unwilling to lose the little control he had. At least now he could see something! But he did trust her and as he closed his eyes he wondered how much longer she would make him suffer. He was fully erect and already craved release.

"That’s it, Marcus," she whispered pleased and then kissed his closed eyes slowly, slipping her hands around his waist, pressing her body against his. An addiction started to take form as she yearned to take his flesh between her teeth and suckle it.

Marcus wanted to wait until his eyesight had returned and she respected that, but his body was making it very clear that he had needs, which he’d obviously ignored for too long.

"Marcus, let me give. You’ve given me so much. Just relax." Fascinated she watched as he threw back his head in surrender and gently she took his shaft in to her hands.

Slowly she pulled the foreskin over the head and then allowed it to slip back down, squeezing him lightly and adjusting her movements according to his breathing.

"Susan, what?" Marcus stuttered surprised.

"Don't talk, Marcus. I want to make you feel =good=."

Marcus' heart missed a beat as she purred that last word. The sensation of her hands on his manhood was enough to make him mad. He would never understand this woman, yet her knew her soul.

"Let go of your restraint, Marcus. Let me give you pleasure."

His breathing sped up as she continued to stroke him, first tentatively and then building up speed only to slow down again. This was pure torture and at the same time this was delight. The wall was against his back, supporting him as his knees threatened to give out on him. 

She knew he was close to release and teasingly licked his nipple, once, twice. Apart from continuing to stoke his shaft which was now dripping with precum her tongue played with his sensitive nipples. Then she looked up and claimed his lips again, capturing his tongue in a duel. 

Realizing he was about to come he couldn’t help thrusting against her hand. Her stimulation was quickly driving him over the edge. Ecstasy filled his body as he finally spilled his seed in her hands and his mind was no longer capable of rational thought.

Warm liquid dripped from her fingers and she smiled hearing his mew of delight. Lines of suffering and pain vanished from his face and were replaced by a relaxed and serene expression. Marcus had given her full control and the fact that he'd trusted her made her feel warm inside. As she pressed her body against his, she held him until he stopped trembling.

"Susan..."

The tone of wonder and disbelief in his voice turned her on. " I love you, Marcus," she whispered honestly.

Slowly he looked up at her, cursing the fact that he couldn’t see her expression, but still smiled his patented grin. "How did you do that?" he whispered in disbelief.

"Anxious to learn more? I promise there’s a lot more where that came from," she quipped and realized suddenly that he was heavily leaning on her for support. Great, now she had exhausted him!

While keeping him locked in her arms, she managed to turn off the shower. They had used her water supply for at least two weeks, but it had been worth every drop of it.

It was obvious he was dozing off and she guessed that this sexual act had triggered a release his tension. Judging by his reaction it had also drained him quite a bit. She had to get him into bed and grabbed the towels to wrap them around him.

"Come on, Marcus, just stay awake a little longer. We’re almost there."

"I’m sorry... I don't want to sleep... but I can't fight it any longer."

"You don't have to," Susan said amused and helped him into bed. He was asleep before his body made contact with the mattress. She covered him with a blanket and couldn't keep her eyes off him. The moment he came was burned in to her memory and she would never forget that gorgeous sight. 

Susan felt more alive than she had in years. There was a trust between her and Marcus that she had missed in her relationship with Talia. She marveled about the energy surging through her body and realized that Marcus would be asleep for hours. And she already knew how to spend those hours. She was going to do something she hadn't done in years.

Shopping in the Zocalo. After all, Marcus needed new clothes and something told her that he would look ravishing in black or jeans, really tight jeans!!

After she’d dried her skin she got dressed and put on a blue dress. She grabbed her credit chip and whistled as she left her quarters, imagining him in different kinds of clothing.

 

Footsteps NC-17 part 10

 

Heads turned as she walked by. Men were giving her second looks, hardly recognizing the woman who passed them by. Lt. Corwin watched her get in to the core tube; she was completely lost in thought and she had never been more desirable to him. Lost, he sighed and continued his walk to C&C. He’d always known she wasn't meant for him.

 

Susan had forgotten how much fun shopping could be. Although the Zocalo was crowded, she enjoyed every minute of it and realized that she hadn't bought anything for herself in years. But she was lost when she saw the flashy red dress, with thin straps and low cut neck. She tried it on and it clung to her body like a second skin. Of course she bought it right away, imaging the effect it would have on Marcus. She was already making plans for their evening, perhaps Marcus would be able to join her for dinner in a restaurant.

She also acquired some boxers she really liked, a white satin shirt and just to do him a favor a black turtleneck shirt to go with it. As she came across some tight fitting black jeans she really craved seeing them on his body and bought them a size too small. Smiling wickedly she wondered if he would consent to wearing them!

The only thing left to buy now was a black jacket. While going through several pieces of clothing she was startled by a familiar voice behind her.

"I see that you are doing much better, Commander. But I have never seen you here before."

Susan turned to look at Delenn’s face. Apparently the Ambassador was doing some shopping herself, which surprised her. She’d never thought Delenn would like wandering through the Zocalo.

"I hope Marcus is recovering well?"

Susan had to fight the blush, which wanted to appear on her face. Well, she thought, hopefully he’ll recover from his little experience in my shower!

Delenn was Marcus' superior and Susan composed herself, not wanting to embarrass him. "Last time I checked he was asleep." Susan noticed the way Delenn was looking at her shopping bags and at the jacket, which she was holding in her hands. Suddenly she felt the need to explain. "Marcus needs new clothes and..."

Delenn nodded her approval. "Would you and Marcus care to join me and John for dinner? "

Susan knew it would be impolite to decline. "Thank you, Delenn."

"We will meet you at the Trocadero restaurant at 2000 hours. Is that convenient for you?"

Susan managed to suppress a sigh as she accepted the invitation. Something told her Marcus wouldn’t be looking forward to this dinner.

Delenn turned to continue her walk but then looked at the jacket once more. “It will look good on him. You should buy it."

Susan was left speechless.

 

Marcus woke due to an excruciating pain stinging his eyes. His head was spinning and his eyes burned like fire. These attacks were eating away the last bit of strength he had left.

"Susan? SUSAN?" He cried out for her, but only silence remained and he realized she had left her quarters. It would be best to alert Stephen but it was impossible for him to walk to the Comm unit without being able to see a damn thing! Tears appeared in his eyes, hot and stinging. When would this end and how?

The door opened and he hoped it was Susan. Apart from his eyes his senses were working normally.

Susan made her way to the couch to put down the bags. As she looked over at the bed her stomach twisted with nausea. Marcus’ body was twitching and his face was stained with tears. Quickly she ran to him. " Marcus, what’s wrong?"

“My eyes... burning..."

Susan wanted to take away his pain so badly. "I’ll call Stephen."

"Susan, wait..." She sat on the bed and he reached out to her.

Susan immediately grabbed his hand and comforted him as he endured the pain. It seemed to last for ages, but finally it subdued.

This time Marcus needed no encouragement to open his eyes. He prayed; please let me be able to see her! His green eyes fluttered open and there was an awkward moment of fear between them. "Susan, you look as beautiful as I remember." Awed Marcus devoured her features once more and realized how much he had missed staring into those blue eyes.

A lump formed in her throat. Marcus was actually looking in to her eyes! Marcus raised an arm and caressed her cheeks.

Susan was lost the moment he touched her face but managed to shake off the feeling. This night would be theirs but one look at the clock reminded her that it was time to get changed for dinner. She still had to tell him about Delenn’s dinner invitation.

"Marcus, Delenn invited us for dinner. Do you feel up to it?"

Marcus nodded, not taking his eyes off her face. He swore she was fighting down blazing desire when she got up.

"I bought you some clothes. Your uniforms are in the laundry so you have no choice." Susan cut herself off from his stare and brought in the bags. "Would you mind me using the bath room first?"

" No, go ahead, love."

Susan blushed, hearing his soft, seducing tone.

Marcus watched her practically run into the bathroom and grinned. She had totally surprised him earlier. He could definitely get used to showering with her. His curiosity got the better of him and he uncovered the clothes she had bought him.

Well, he could live with the boxers, shirts and jacket but those jeans? The last time he had worn any had been on the colony, which felt like a lifetime ago.

Suddenly he longed for his uniform. These clothes would make him stand out from the crowd. But if Susan wanted him to put them on.... He would do anything to make her happy.

When she emerged from the bathroom she took his breath away. He had never before seen that red dress she was wearing. It clung to her body and revealed all her curves.

Susan felt foxy and attractive. She had used make up including a very bright lipstick and it definitely had an effect on him!

Marcus walked towards her, eyed her admiringly and gently pushed back her now curly hair. She had never looked more erotic and he was hungry to feel her body underneath his.

“Your turn," Susan said teasingly as she licked her lips.

Marcus was fighting hard to stay in control of his feelings and used a Minbari mantra to calm down slightly.

Amused, Susan watched his retreat in to the bathroom. His feelings had been all over his face and she loved the fact that he couldn’t hide a thing. She decided to make one more cup of coffee to get her through the evening and then settled down on the couch, feeling content and looking forward to seeing him in those jeans.

Marcus discovered that he couldn't live with the boxers. He had never worn them before and they irritated him. "To hell with them, I’ll get something myself tomorrow."

Marcus flung the shorts into the laundry basket and longed to pull on his ranger uniform... damn her for buying him this stuff! As he put on the jeans he realized how damn tight they were. "Bugger, the woman did this to me on purpose! I hope Delenn won’t be offended by the way I look."

While running his fingers over the white satin shirt he felt relieved she had also bought him a black turtle neck. Looking in to the mirror he combed his unruly hair and trimmed his beard. After he had finished cleaning up, he slipped into the jacket and boots. Studying himself in the mirror he hardly recognized the man staring back at him. Susan had been right. Clothes did make a difference. But those jeans... he was going to get her for this one!

Susan looked up hearing his footsteps. Now it was her turn to drool. Marcus looked absolutely dashing in his new outfit. Something romantic clung to his features and as she lowered her eyes she noted with satisfaction that those jeans were tight all right! "You'd better close the jacket. I don't want to kick any women out of an airlock because they want you." Susan walked over to him.

Her openly admiring gaze actually embarrassed him and cleared his throat before offering her his arm. " Shall we?"

 

Marcus was painfully aware of the looks he was getting. Women he had never seen before were watching him intently.

Susan also noted the attention he was getting and possessively placed her arm around his waist, sending out a very clear message, watch out ladies! Marcus is MINE!

John and Delenn were already seated and didn't notice them straight away. John recognized them first. He'd expected Susan to show up in her uniform, not this... red dress. As Captain he was so used to seeing her as his second in command that he’d almost forgotten she was also a woman.

His gaze shifted to Marcus. The ranger was out of uniform for the first time ever and evidently felt uncomfortable in his new outfit. Content, John realized the both of them had made a new start.

 

Marcus watched her as she wiped her lips with the napkin. He had never known it could be such an erotic gesture.

Susan felt his eyes on her and his expression aroused her passion. Dinner was almost finished and she wanted to take him home. Now that he’d had regained his eyesight there was something they had to do.

She politely thanked Delenn for dinner and made her way out of the restaurant and clung to Marcus' arm every step of the way. She wanted him close.

Feeling his skin on hers made her hungry for more. "Are you tired, Marcus?" she inquired mischievously, trying to figure out his plans for the rest of the evening.

"A little bit," he replied diplomatically.

After punching in her access code she pulled him inside. Noticing his wicked smile she knew he was up to something and desire coursed through her with an alarming force. She =wanted= him now.

Her eyes melted into a heavenly blue color and he swallowed hard, realizing her intentions.

"Now, Marcus?"

"Now what, Susan?" he said teasingly, pretending to not understand her question. He wiggled an eyebrow and slowly licked his lips.

She moaned softly seeing his tongue move over his lips, knowing he was doing it on purpose. No longer able to resist she wrapped her arms around him and used her tongue to moisten his lips further.

“You didn't answer my question," Marcus whispered amused.

"Just shut up, Marcus." Susan captured his lips and was determined to keep him from distracting her as there was no need to talk right now.

Marcus didn’t feel quite so overwhelmed this time and he gently lifted her, holding her safe in his arms. Susan’s surprised look made him smile. This time he’d take the initiative! "The bed?" he inquired softly.

"Fine with me or do you prefer the shower?" Susan replied and teasingly raised an eyebrow.

Marcus grinned as she mentioned the shower, remembering only too well what had happened in there. "No, the bed," he decided and carried her to the bedroom. Slowly he lowered her onto the bed.

Susan gasped seeing the respect and desire which were mingled in his clouded eyes. It was time to return the trust he had shown in her earlier. Smiling, she studied his expression as he pulled down the straps from her shoulders. Quickly she lifted her hair so he could unzip the dress. Absolutely delighted she listened to his sharp intake of breath as a black bra was revealed. “I knew you’d like it,” she whispered sensually.

Marcus swallowed hard at the sight of her gorgeous body. She was perfect.

Impatiently Susan whispered, "Lose the clothes... We don’t need them."

"If you say please," Marcus quipped, playing with danger and loving it. Her amazed eyes grew big at his bold answer.

"Please," she whispered, playing along. She was going to get back at him later! As he slowly began to take off his clothes her eyes never left his body. Those jeans! Her eyes widened as she realized he was wearing =nothing= beneath them. And she loved seeing him naked. Who needed boxer shorts anyway? Her body reacted as he finally dropped the last piece of clothing on to the floor.

“I guess you did like what you saw when you were in my body,” Marcus quipped in a wicked tone. Desire, or was it lust, was quickly claiming her and the fact that she wanted him, made him mad with passion himself.

Taking a step closer he raised his right hand and while looking her in the eyes freed her breasts from their confines, eventually dropping the bra to the floor. Slowly he moved his thumb over her nipples and as they grew hard Susan stepped out of her panties. “I want you,” he whispered in a rough tone.

“I want you too,” Susan admitted and lay down next to him on the bed. Looking up she forced herself to allow him to explore her body and as he lightly kissed her collarbone she buried her fingernails in his back.

Her nipples had reached a point where they’d become so sensitive they almost hurt and yet he continued to lick them. Susan threw back her head as his hands caressed her neck. A throbbing ache between her legs demanded satisfaction and she could no longer deny her need. She =needed= to feel him inside her.

The way her body responded to his touch fascinated him. She was begging him to make love to her without any words at all. Although he was still a virgin he did know how to please her and he certainly felt a lot more comfortable now that he could see what he was doing!

He pressed his lips on her throat, and then made his way down to her belly button, but carefully avoided the core of her desire. As he caressed her inner thighs she moaned to his delight. Well, at least he was doing something right here!

"Marcus, please, I want you inside me... this is torture!" Susan exclaimed and hungrily buried her fingers in his hair, pulling his face down to kiss his lips.

Marcus smiled. She’d sighed those words and after kissing her passionately he suddenly felt her hands reaching out for his manhood. "Not yet, love," he chided her softly and concentrated on the triangle between her legs.

While his tongue teased her nipples, his hand moved down to touch her between her legs. Her wetness briefly took him aback. Did she want his touch, his body this badly? Even though he loved teasing her, he wanted to please her even more. But he was going to do this his way.

His fingers found her most sensitive spot and he started to manipulate her clitoris, carefully watching her reactions and changing speed and pressure accordingly to them.

She cried out with surprise as his fingers sent shivers down her spine. He slightly differed the pressure and speed again. Finally he settled into the rhythm she seemed to like best. He immediately complied as she arched up against his hand to kiss his lips.

His inexperience showed as a finger incidentally slipped inside her, but she cried out in pleasure finally feeling him inside her. “Marcus..." she moaned surprised. 

But he ignored her plea and resumed the sensual massage. As he watched her reactions he knew she had to be close. She was actually struggling to get closer to his fingers to increase the pressure.

Gently he suckled the tip of her tongue and increased the pressure with which he was stroking her. He body tensed up, only to release that tension a second later. Her body twitched, her face was flushed and her eyes looked into his with an all-consuming fire. As she came her inner muscles contracted around his fingers.

"Marcus, I need to feel you inside me.... now!"

Watching her come had greatly aroused him and as he took a moment to ponder all the ways possible to make love to her, Susan took control.

She simply couldn't wait anymore, her need to feel him move inside her was

driving her insane. Quickly, she rolled on top of him and straddled his hips. While looking him in the eyes she lowered herself, taking him in completely.

Marcus grabbed the sheets. Her action had completely surprised him and as impaled herself the sensation burned deep in his stomach. Susan’s hands now covered his and forced him to let go of the sheets.

As she leaned in closer she offered him her lips. Desperate to calm her down he gave in to the kiss, knowing he wouldn’t last long if she kept riding him like this.

But she had no intention of slowing down and kissed him wildly in his

neck, biting him softly, in an uncontrolled manner...

Marcus had to let go as she stimulated that particularly erogenous zone.

Devouring his eyes Susan loved hearing him scream as he came and burned the image in her mind. Completely stunned she felt his release trigger hers once more and shivering with pleasure she covered his body with hers, tightly holding on to him.

Finally, as the waves of ecstasy slowed down she rolled into his arms, feeling his warm body behind her. As she started to doze off, she wondered why she had refused to acknowledge her heart for so long. This was heaven. This was bliss.

"I love you, Susan," he whispered totally exhausted and relished the sensation of holding her in his arms. “I’ll never let you go.”

 

THE END


End file.
